Celia Brews It Over

Good morning! Happy FriYay!!! Things have been getting pretty deep on this blog of mine! Whoo! I promised, I would talk about the hard stuff. We've been talking about it!

How about we lighten things up today? Five on Friday is back! It's been a while, right?!

I've been good, more than good. But I've had my head down, working hard towards my goals, and finally coming up for a breathe of air. I've had most people support me, and only one that took issue with me needing to retreat to work towards my goals. Good riddance. Keep your tribe tight and full of those who fully support you.

Let's get this thang started.

One. 


This guy. I couldn't be more lucky to have him in my life. It's like all those things I threw out into the Universe that I wanted in a guy compiled into this amazing human. When I thought I'd had enough the Universe was like "wait! found him!" We had our first real vacation together earlier this month. I'll cover it in its own post. I loved exploring a new city with him. We learned I'm great at figuring out where we need to go, and he's great at actually navigating us there. Team work!

Two. 


For this trip I couldn't take my little furnugget with us. I was so anxious over this. Who was going to watch him? Could my Mom spend a week with him? What about another family member?
The last time someone offered to watch him they were super inconsistent. & I partially wonder looking back now if they did it on purpose. Which makes me really sad.
From what I've been reading Angel and I are really closely bonded FurMomma+FurBaby. & sometimes cats that are extremely bonded to their owners get separation anxiety. So when they have a sitter they need to be really consistent so they know they haven't been abandoned.
With Angel being 18 I always worry that something is going to upset him and then I am going to lose him. I know he's getting up there and I know the time is coming, but I want to extend that little life of his as much as I can.
I was chatting with a girlfriend of mine that has both dogs and cats and I know she loves her animals just as much as I love my little furnugget. She was telling me about PetSitter apps and I think I actually downloaded the wrong one but I found the most amazing sitter!
This girl was so punctual! The moment the clock struck 730, my phone was ringing for me to open the gates for her. She not only fed and cleaned his litter box, she swept the hard floors, we ended up having some ants and she took it upon herself to clean the area with vinegar and water and by the time I got home we were ant free! She took him out on the balcony and although I paid her for 30min visits. Most of the time she spent about 45mins with him. She gave me detailed reports of his food consumption, litterbox use and overall mood. He got upset a couple times and threw up, and she cleaned the areas. I couldn't even tell he threw up! Her last visit we both showed up at the same time and he greeted us both. He loved his sitter!

Three. 


This Month's Personal Development book is The Miracle Morning. Y'all it is so so good! I'm not waking up every day as early as I should, but I'm learning new things to incorporate into my morning to ensure I have the best days. I can't wait to finish and share with you my favorite pieces of the book.

Four. 


My Life Coach had her very first public workshop and y'all it sold out! I was so honored that she asked me to speak on The Benefits of Personal Development and my own personal testimonial working with her. I'll have blog posts on each here soon(ish) and I'll link them back here. Talk about out of my comfort zone though! Whew!

Five. 


Since the time that I took off to San Antonio back in February and rang up my friend Tori to see if the invitation was still open to crash at her pad we have grown closer. We both have that drive to grow grow grow, to work our asses off towards our dreams and to serve others. We recently learned that we both want to launch our own podcasts! How crazy is that?! Neither of us knew that the other even remotely thought of that!


& that's it for today!

Just counting down the hours until me and the Novio get to see each other!

& on today's episode of Celia Brews It Over... What not to say to a woman going through a divorce.

Yes, all of the below are things people said to me when they began to learn I had filed for a divorce.

Your best-friend, daughter, sister, or co-worker may not tell you it is hurtful or not okay, but I'm here to tell you for them. They have enough that they're dealing with. If you can't offer an ear, or shoulder, then just zip your lips.


How could you break a promise like that? Yes, marriage is a huge promise. For better or for worse. But when someone has been unfaithful to you, when you've constantly had to fight for your place in the marriage against a "friend" & when you've been the one putting in all the effort and begging them to please read an article, read a book, or go to therapy with you and they won't. There's only so much you can do on your own to keep that promise. Eventually you break. My break happened after I completely lost myself in my marriage. I had no idea who Celia was anymore. What I stood for, what I believed, who I could trust, heck I couldn't even tell you what I liked or liked to do. I did everything in my power to keep my promise. & I'm sure your friend did too. 

Marriage is hard, no one said it would be easy. I highly doubt anyone got married thinking this is going to be easy. We all know it is going to be hard. You're combining two lives. Your friend isn't divorcing because it wasn't easy. You may not ever know the true reason why they decided to get divorced. Especially if they have kids. 

Why didn't you try harder? I gave everything to my marriage. I tried everything possible. Read every book I could get my hands on. Even the ones that didn't sit well with me. I searched every corner of the internet on how to be a good wife, how to love him more, how to choose to love them, and how to fall back in love with them. Because everyone says that love and marriage is a choice. 

You're probably being too harsh. Maybe. But, maybe not. If this is your friend, give them the benefit of the doubt. Remember, you may not know the full story. My friends and family started learning about what was happening little by little, piece by piece. & still to this day, almost two years after we separated I'm still remembering things that happened behind closed doors & things friends said to try to make me see little red flags that I missed.


Be prepared to lose friends and maybe your family. Although this is true, and sometimes by choice to protect your energy or safety, let a therapist tell them this. Perhaps just let them know that not everyone will be a part of their support circle, and that's okay.


Let me know when you're ready to date. Guys. This is not what your chick friend wants or needs to hear. Although this helped with confidence, it made me sad every time. What I wanted was to know that I was safe and supported. Wait until some of the anger, grief and confusion has passed. I'll tell you right now, anyone that told me this was immediately black listed from my dating pool.


I can't believe you'd walk away from the life he could give you. This floored me. You don't always know how the finances work. Most people thought I was a stay at home wife. I don't usually talk about my day job on any of my social media profiles. & most days I cooked 3 meals a day. My day job doesn't make me rich, but it affords me a decent life. He wasn't giving me a life. He made more money than me but not SO much that I could never afford life on my own. Even if that was the case, money isn't a reason to stay, ever. Especially if the relationship is extremely unhealthy. 

You should/shouldn't date for X amount of time. Only work on yourself. Let her do what she wants/needs to do. The timeline is different for everyone. Yes, she may do some stuff that's destructive. Let her get it out of her system. Be. There. For. Her. Without judgement. I didn't sleep around with a lot of guys. But, I believe I've already mentioned it on here, my husband wouldn't touch me for months. Months, y'all! We've got needs! I felt crazy, and confused. I knew something about me was attractive, I could see the way other men would look at me or even notice when men made blatant passes at me. So why wasn't my husband sleeping with me? To be desired was part of my healing process and part of working on myself. I needed to get comfortable with my own sexuality again. & yes, she knows she needs to work on herself. She doesn't need to be a nun to do this. Because I fully believed I was 100% of the problem in the marriage, I had been working on myself hardcore not even a year after we got married. I had a head start, but I was still working on me daily, even if I was dating. 



Things he said to me in order to break me down and get me to come back to him.

I hope you get your life together. I felt like my life was in shambles but I knew better. My support circle also played a massive role in making sure I knew I had my life together and my feelings were just that. Feelings. They reminded me that although I didn't own the place I was in. I had a nice place, a car, my things, my kitties, and my career that was affording me to provide a life for myself.


You're a whore. It was okay for him to sleep with someone, but when he found out that I started dating #CarGuy, I was a whore.


You have no friends. In addition to telling me I needed to get rid of my therapist, & push my parents away he told me that I didn't have friends. Hmm. Well who were the girls that were making sure I woke up every day? Who were the girls making sure I had lunch/dinner even if it was just a little bit? Who were the girls making sure I went out from time to time? Isolation is an abusers best weapon. & my girls weren't going to allow that anymore.


You're an idiot. This was his favorite way to insult me. Everything I had to say was stupid & I was an idiot. He made sure to constantly remind me I never had the chance to finish my degree. 

You might be asking yourself, how does any of the above make you want him back? I would learn that these were all tear down tactics. Ways to try to get me to feel bad about myself, and make me believe I was unworthy. If I felt bad about myself and unworthy, then I would likely do what was comfortable and go back to all I had ever known.

Regardless of anything that happened, having #CarGuy in my life and my support circle was everything! 

I mentioned in my separation post that I walked into a doctor's appointment and was told "you're an abused spouse." 



I was shaking when I walked into her exam room. As soon as I opened my mouth I started sobbing uncontrollably. I told her that I thought I needed to be on anti-anxiety medication again, but I was scared because before it had made me feel like a zombie.

She asked me what was going on in my life and I told her that I was currently separated and about to file for divorce, that my soon-to-be ex had made the appointment for me because he felt I needed to be medicated.

She immediately told me that I was exhibiting signs of an abused spouse. The uncontrollable shaking, continuous vomiting, uncontrollable crying, lack of appetite, and becoming paralyzed when I needed to get the ball rolling on certain tasks.

The fact that he had called in to have me medicated was a huge red flag.

I should also mention she had seen him a couple weeks prior. So she knew both of us and both sides of what was happening.

She asked me to explain to her what was going on during the separation. I explained to her the rules we established in our therapy session, explained to her all his behaviors, showed her texts, emails, and even let her listen to his voicemails. I told her about his admittance to an affair during our sessions and let her know that they were now public as well.

She walked out of the room, came back in and then started a report. She told me "you're an abused spouse and you're exhibiting all the signs of a battered woman trying to get away." She had the front desk staff put on alert, and then locked all my files so he couldn't try to use my doctor's appointment as a way to stall the divorce.

She told me that he was acting the way he was, because he was losing control over me and couldn't handle it.

What neither of us knew was that this doctor specialized in the care of abused women.

As we went through everything that had happened during the separation and what had gone on during the marriage she suggested a few books, & suggested a therapist for me.

She told me that there was a lot of damage done that I couldn't even see yet. First I needed to see a therapist to help me heal, and I needed to learn how to establish boundaries.

She didn't understand why the marriage counselor was allowing my ex to act the way he was, SHE wasn't establishing clear boundaries for him and wasn't creating a safe space for me. She was pretty livid about this.

She gave me a prescription for anti-anxiety meds to help me get a grasp and simply be able to function so I could get out.

I left my appointment pretty stunned. Me? I was an abused spouse? But he never touched me... I'm a strong woman. My girlfriends come to me to ask about relationship advice.

When I got back to my car I had already missed texts and calls from him wanting to know what the doctor had said and what medication she had put me on. I was hesitant to answer him, but once I felt safe in my own space I told him (why, I'll never know) that she told me I was an abused spouse.

He laughed and told me that I wasn't an abused spouse, she didn't know what she was talking about. Then proceeded to tell me that I needed to get rid of my friends, because they weren't my friends. & that I needed to separate myself from my parents because they didn't want what was best for me. He told me that I should know that he was the one that loved me the most and wanted the best for me.

I wouldn't schedule the appointment with my new therapist for a couple more months, but I can tell you I sure was glad I did because I learned SO much. Hey! I'm not crazy!

Between me and the Lawyer:

I was very lucky. I had a great lawyer. He told me what my rights were and told me what I could fight for based upon the evidence I had. Which was everything.

But honestly, after nearly 12 years of this relationship. I was done fighting. I just wanted to walk.

When we sat down on February 11th I was ready to just walk away completely. During this conversation, my ex, although he didn't want it in the divorce decree had promised in front of my lawyer to split things 50/50. It was only right, I had been paying for everything just as he was. All our money went into one account and bills were payed from my paycheck.

Although it wasn't the greatest meeting, I walked away with just my car and the things I had personally purchased prior to marriage, feeling hopeful.

My lawyer kept the documents with  him until the last possible second, just in case I had changed my mind and wanted to legally fight for what was mine.

The End Result: 

Always include everything in the divorce decree. Don't let your spouse emotionally manipulate you.

I had signed documents to help speed up the sale of our marital home. He walked away with the money from the sale and didn't give me a dime.

I had to fight for the money on my VW to the very last second and penny. I had assumed the loan and the debt & if it wasn't for the fact that a mutual friend got involved and turned my car in for me, I wasn't going to get any of the money from my car. He still kept my final payment that the bank had deposited back into our account. Gotta love when a bank lets your spouse withdraw all the funds and close the joint account.

Joint accounts. When your lawyer tells you to take half the money in your accounts. Take half the money. I didn't want to do so until after I had spoken to my ex. Major mistake on my part. As much as I thought he would be fair. He spent the money and drained the accounts and left me with about $1k.

Taxes. He took my financial documents and filed our taxes jointly. Even though our divorce decree stated that we were to file separately. I should have fought him on this. Instead of getting money back, I ended up having to pay a good chunk of money.

Our divorce was finalized on May 5th, Cinco de Mayo! As much as friends wanted to celebrate and be like whoooooo single life! I was just relieved and happy it was over. The ordeal with Volkswagen was over in October of 2017 and y'all I could finally block him on everything. I no longer needed to accept any of his calls, or emails. I eventually had to block his Mom's phone number as well because he was calling my office from her line.

I could finally breathe!

Making the decision to divorce my ex-husband was about a 2 year process for me. It was a decision I didn't make lightly and I really struggled with it. I'm Hispanic and my family is Catholic. Marriage is sacred.

Thoughts ran through my head like:
"What will my parents think?" 
"What will the rest of the family think?" 
"What will our friends think?"
"We have been together so long, maybe this is just a rough patch."
"Maybe if I could just be better" 
"Maybe I'm just being a woman." 
"Maybe I should just try harder." 
"What if I could just love him more?" 
"No one will love him unconditionally the way I do."
"No one is going to prepare 3 meals daily nearly every day like I do AND hold a full time job! He will starve!" 

Looking back, our marriage was doomed from the beginning. Sure, we had been together a long time but our core values, hopes, dreams & faith didn't line up. Eventually I outgrew him.


We didn't even have the support of his family.

I remember him telling me that his Dad told him "It'll never work out. You are my Son, and she is your Mother." 

Friends told me that when they congratulated him on our engagement he told them "Eh, we have been together a long time. She was expecting it." 

We never had that honeymoon period. Our marriage was rough from the beginning & although I pretended to be excited leading up to the marriage, there was something looming over it the whole time. It didn't feel right. I've since learned, that was my gut and I should have listened to it.

Within our first year of marriage I started reading marriage books and articles on how to be a better wife. No matter what I did, it wasn't right and our marriage wasn't getting better. I dived into personal development as a whole thinking that if I could just be a better person overall then it would transform my marriage.

 During the last year of our marriage I started reading articles about when you know it's time for divorce written by divorce therapists, attorneys, and divorcees. As I read them my heart broke because I could check off everything on their lists. I never spoke to anyone about my marriage, which looking back I wish I would have. I felt very alone.

I had already been feeling like I was a shell of a person. Like I had lost myself in my marriage, but I thought this is just how it is.

It wasn't until one day at a tailgate #CarGuy asked me what was wrong. & of course I told him, nothing. There was honestly was nothing wrong, but he knew me pretty well and we had our times that we hung out just the two of us. He was the first person to speak up and say red flag! "You act differently when you're alone vs when you're with him." I asked couple close girlfriends and mentors and to my surprise they confirmed #CarGuy's statement. It was at this time that I started to learn that I/we had lost friends because people did not want to watch what was happening.

During the last year we had many mini blowouts. & everything began to irritate me about him. I was highly upset because this was the man I had chosen as my husband. The man I loved more than I loved myself. How could this be happening? The last 6 months were agonizing because I no longer wanted to make memories with him. I'd wish for plans to be cancelled and I would do what I could to engulf myself in my hobbies. I also slept on the couch for months...

I had already met with my lawyer about a month before I told him I wanted a divorce. My lawyer was helpful in letting me know what I needed to do to prepare, and what I needed to watch for during the separation. He explained to me what was rightfully mine, but honestly I was just tired and wanted to walk away.

I thought at this point, if I walked away, we wouldn't hate each other.

The day I told him was mid-day during a work week. I had someone who knew nothing about my marriage chime in that I was being too critical and wasn't giving him a chance to be a good husband.

While I was driving home that kept lingering on my mind and I almost continued to try, but, the reality of it was that he had nearly 12 years to be the partner I needed and if he hadn't changed/grown during that time I knew he wasn't going to.

The actual telling is short, just hard to do. I mentioned above it was a 2 year process for me. We sat down when I got home, and I saw hope in his eyes. He wanted to work on our marriage. See a therapist. For me. I had been working my butt off, alone. I couldn't anymore.

My heart sunk as I said "I want a divorce." & then my heart shattered.

Our University of Houston Tailgating group, the Code Red Tailgaters, got together this summer for a much needed meetup! Our sponsors Nine Banded Whiskey came out as well and had our signature drink available for us.



Pinkerton's, an establishment owned by a University of Texas alum, hosted us. I have to say each time I've been here the hospitality has been nothing short of amazing & the food is delish as well!

Two. 


I've been introduced to Jenga & y'all I'm obsessed. I want to play it over and over. I feel like a 3 year old saying again again!

Three. 


I took #Spurs around my hometown area and he loved it. What made my heart so warm was to see him perk up when he saw water. The water has (almost) always been my calm, so to see him enjoy it so much makes me happy.

We started out at my favorite breakfast place ever in life, the Sunflower Bakery, in Galveston. As always the food did not disappoint. This place has about a half hour wait, and that was the case this time as well. 


We strolled the Strand, drove along the Seawall and then headed back up towards my hometown of Kemah. I showed him my family's property and then we headed to lunch. We were both starved!


#Spurs is pizza obsessed, so much so he has Professional Pizza Eater listed under his IG bio. Haha! I was conflicted if I should take him to a tourist spot or a hometown spot. Given how hot it was, I opted for Boondoggles, the hometown spot, since I knew it would allow us to sit indoors. This place has a wide array of foods and they're all delish + they have a good selection of craft beers and a full bar. If you're not into craft beers they also have your regular selections.

After this we went to the Boardwalk & hopped aboard the Boardwalk Beast. It had been a while since I had ridden this and I was hoping we wouldn't lose our lunch! Luckily we just got pretty soaked and all food remained in our tummies.



Four. 


Doing the long distance thing can be a little hard, emotionally. I remember one time when #Spurs left I felt super sad. & I hated the way I felt because I told myself I wouldn't feel that way. I knew he lived in San Antonio and I lived in Houston. So basically I had a suck it up, Buttercup talk with myself & I didn't like that my tough love talk with myself didn't work.

When #Spurs came in town the last time it was the greatest thing ever to see Angel acknowledge him to the point that he was talking to him and following him around my apartment like a dog!

One thing I learned in dating was to ask guys if they liked cats, almost immediately. Thankfully #Spurs likes cats, most importantly my Cat, and spoils him as if he is his own.

When #Spurs left, Angel ended up cuddling up with the blanket #Spurs had lounged on my couch with that day. I guess he missed him too.

Five.


SnapChat! I still use it! Mainly because the filters are fun and I like to make the bitmjoi mini movies with my friends. Above is my new handle. Since they don't allow you to edit your handle I had to create a whole new one. Rumor has it someone has my old phone number and they're in a dark place in their life. So if you've been seeing that, you're following the wrong account. Mine has mainly been about food and my waistline is yelling at me for it! Ha!

Chat with ya soon! XO,
Cel

This was my weekend to drive into San Antonio and imagine my suprise when I walked in to see #Spurs' house decorated for my furbabe's birthday. Heart melting!


This is probably the sweetest and most thoughtful thing anyone has done for the two of us.


Unfortunately, Angel was less than thrilled and let us know the rest of the night.

Two. 


Hi. It's me. Sitting atop Enchanted Rock.

I love being outside and I love going on hikes. #Spurs surprised me by taking me to Enchanted Rock. I learned real quick that hikes in Houston/NASA are merely walks. My thighs were on fire!

What you don't see behind this photo is #Spurs encouraging me each step along the way and not complaining when I stopped 10 million times on the way up. Ha! I also learned if you walk up backwards that helps too!

Is this shirt not amazing?!?!


I can't wait to go on more adventures like this. I also need to get my bootay in the gym to prep for more adventures like this.

Three. 

Do you remember the pretty rug I posted in my new apartment post, here? It was my dream rug! Well. I'm having to get rid of it. I had a suspicion that Angel didn't like it. He jumped onto the ottoman and walked across it to get on or off the couch & he always walked all the way around the living room to go anywhere else in our casita.
I woke up one day and there was healthy poop on the carpet, so I watched him. He wasn't having any issues. In fact he'd poop in his litter box, and then choose to finish up on the carpet.
Then one day shortly after I got out of the shower the rug was wet and I thought it was just from my feet. Then another time it was wet and I knew it wasn't from me. I figure out Angel is peeing on my pretty rug! Ugh.
So this past weekend when #Spurs was over he helped me roll up the rug. Now Angel thinks that it is his scratching post. Sigh.

Four. 


Invest in your friends that invest in you. Sally is the wifey of one of my college buddies. We've been friends on Facebook for a while. It was when I would begin my own dark journey that I saw she was killing it with her first book. I don't know what it was but something told me to reach out to her, to let her know that I was watching, cheering her on and so so proud of the work she was doing. That would spark our friendship, eventually lead her to being my life coach, and then now sometimes we'll chat and I'll end up giving her little nuggets of advice about her biz. Sally is a super woman. She's a wifey, momma, office manager, best-selling author, life coach, public speaker & a stand up comic. I don't know how she does it all and then still manages to put herself together and have all the pretties.

Follow her on Instagram to watch her grow. She'll have you laughing almost daily!

Five. 


Today is National Sushi Day! & I'm really wanting sushi for dinner.

Where is your favorite place to grab sushi?

I signed up to be a Tupperware consultant & I have been having a blast with it. This is not your grandma's Tupperware but it does have the same quality and all the amazing warranty policies!

If you don't already have a consultant :
Shop Online Here,
Be a part of my private FB group here where I share special deals you can't find anywhere else.

I've already hosted two parties and helped others gain lots of freebies and half price items & I currently have two parties running.

I'm hoping that this side hustle is just what I've been looking for. I'm no stranger to MLMs but this one feels like home. 

If you need anything please let me know. I do all the work for you, whether you're ordering or you're hosting a party.

Until next time, XO
Cel

My background during this time period: 
Going through a nasty divorce.
Diagnosed as an abused spouse. (Mental & Emotional)
Struggled with anxiety since 2008.
Struggled with depression and suicidal thoughts during my separation and divorce.
Discovered I had lived with a functional alcoholic for 2 years.


Life Coaching: 
My Life Coach's role was to help me get every ounce of my confidence back. She was there to help push me forward in my love life, encourage me in my career, make sure I had a good group of family & friends around all while rediscovering who I was and learning to establish my boundaries. Essentially she was my biggest cheerleader when my whole world was shattered & I didn't think I was deserving of much when I was in my dark hole. She was my biggest cheerleader when dating was going wrong and she empowered me to know that I deserved more. She also taught me how to be savage, and take my own power back when I needed to.

Therapist: 
Couples: As a last ditch effort to save our marriage my ex-husband wanted to do therapy. This was something I had begged him to do for years, but he thought he knew everything so we didn't need to go. During these sessions it was the therapist's job to see if the marriage was salvageable, healthy, and if we were both still in it. We had sessions together and sessions separate. It was during this time that she recognized some of his, less than favorable behavior. In our separate sessions I was able to speak openly and freely. In aligning our stories she was able to tell me that the insecurities I was feeling at certain year marks & my desperation to hold on to my marriage aligned with his confession of an affair with #HomeWrecker. My insecurities was my gut talking to me. I learned here that our gut never lies. It was during this time I was able to tell her that as much as I had wanted to fight for my marriage, I couldn't anymore. I was tired, and I was constantly in a battle with #HomeWrecker since the beginning of our relationship & I was ready to let go. After the divorce was finalized, I learned that our therapist... was an intern. This explained a lot and you'll learn more once I get into what happened during the separation.

Just me: My therapist's role was to help me heal, discover what was going on in my marriage, for how long & the extent of the damage. In the beginning we focused on the here and now, then it moved to my thoughts on the future & find my way back to my faith, then we dug into my past. I learned how to recognize red flags, I learned my personality type, I learned the abuse cycle and I learned the narcissist personality, I learned how to ensure I don't let myself fall into an abusive relationship again & I learned what it is when your gut is talking to you and how to listen to it. I learned about what things in a career would make me happy, I learned that I'm actually an extrovert, I learned I don't have social anxiety, I learned the traits/characteristics that are important for someone I'm dating to have in order for it to be a successful relationship. We also monitored my anxiety and depression. This was important because you don't want to medicate/over medicate when you're dealing with situational anxiety/depression.
Being both Catholic and Hispanic, making the choice to end my marriage and choose myself was a battle. I spent so many moments crying to myself over the duration of about 2 years. I never spoke to anyone about what was going on.

Once it was done, and once I had multiple doctors telling me I exhibited signs of an abused spouse, I knew that I would need help. I didn't want to feel the way I felt for the rest of my life and I didn't want to carry the damage forward into any other relationships I might have. It wouldn't be fair to the new guy to be punished for what had happened in my marriage. I also knew the state I was in wasn't good for my family & friends. I felt like they felt I was a ticking time bomb and had to keep a close watch on me. & to be honest, they did & I was very lucky to have them.

The key to both therapy and life coaching is for you to be open and honest. You have to get very real with yourself. No matter what, you have to own your own actions that have put you  into the place that you currently are, and that can be really hard. Remember that you and your life coach and/or therapist are a team. My therapist and life coach knew about each other, this was helpful because during our sessions they would each ask about each other and ask what the other had to say. This helped them both stay in alignment and getting me on the right healthy path.

Until next time, XO.
-Cel

I drove up to San Antonio the next time and we went to Six Flags and had a blast. I hadn't been to an amusement park in such a long time! & there weren't any awkward silences when we were waiting for our time slots for our next rides. Who knew that was possible. We stayed sober this weekend as well.


Here's what I'm learning (the positives):
-I can connect with someone & us stay completely sober & we still have fun.
-I deserve to be with someone who thinks of me when planning activities, just as I'll think of them.
-I deserve to be with someone who isn't afraid to think about the future. Whether it is months away, or ya know the weekend that's just a couple days away. I don't have to hear "that's too far out." or "f*ck plans."
-Not every guy is allergic to cats. & when they really like you and know your cat isn't just a pet, they'll make sure that your kitty is just as comfortable as you are. He purchased the essentials that Angel would need so that when I travel to San Antonio, Angel comes with me.
-I can find someone who believes in being the best version of yourself everyday and setting an example for those around you and actually lives the lifestyle.
-There are guys out there that want to do more than just drink. They enjoy the outdoors with you, nature hikes, gardens, sports, tailgating, and like the nerdy things like museums, zoos and art exhibits.
-There's someone I like that I actually wanted to bring home to Mom & Dad and didn't have to question how their behavior might be. I didn't feel the need to be overprotective of my parents.

Here's what I'm learning (the red flags):
-He's a Dallas Cowboys Fan
-He's a Spurs Fan
-He's a Texas Rangers Fan
-He's not a University of Houston Cougar!

Hopefully you caught that the above is written completely in humor. But my goodness we couldn't be more opposite with the teams we support if we tried! 

Here's what I'm thankful for during this time:
The calmness and comfort level between the two of us.
Angel and #Spurs love each other. Last time I was there Angel fell asleep in #Spur's arms and even had his little paw on his neck.
I love that we can talk about any subject and neither of us is afraid to tell the other that we have no idea what they're talking about, and we don't feel dumb about it.
We both feel like we can be ourselves 100% and we embrace each other's quirks and try to understand how each other came to be in this exact moment.
We have both done personal development and therapy, therefore are well educated in healthy behaviors and how to treat others with clear boundaries and respect.

...this story is still being written. :)


Until next time. XO,
Cel

I remember talking to my Life Coach one night super upset. I felt so judged by a couple people around me for talking to/dating #DrummerBoy so quickly after I broke things off with #CarGuy.

Sure I had sworn off guys, even said I didn't think I could ever date again. I was solely focusing on myself. But holy crap #DrummerBoy swept me off my feet the night we met and it was so unexpected. I don't believe in pushing away a possible love interest. People come into our lives for a reason, right? 

That night Sally gave me the best advice and it just clicked! If you don't want to date, don't. If you like a guy, go for it. If he screws up... Ok, his loss, back to doing things you like. Don't make it more complex than that.  

Moral of the story was for me to do me, screw what other people thought I should do.


She was excited for me because when I broke things off with #CarGuy I told her immediately my walls went up so high. So when I told her I had met someone she knew that I wasn't completely closing myself off from finding my love again.

Even when things started going south with #DrummerBoy she was my biggest cheerleader. He started to push me away, which I learned in my Al-Anon group is super common. I was upset and she told me "Just let him go. He's pushing you away and that's on him. Nothing to do with you."  Those words were just what I needed to hear in that moment.

Sometimes your friends and family can't be there for you, they're too involved. This is where I'm thankful for having my Life Coach. She understood what I needed in that moment.

Rumor has it she's working on a dating book. I can't wait to read that. I've read both of her other books and was laughing all the way through, even had some hard tears on some occasions.

I'll chat more about my personal experience with Life Coaching soon, so be on the look out!

xo,
Cel

My parents graduated last week from the Dickinson Police Department Citizen's Police Academy (DCPA) and I couldn't be more proud. I loved seeing their friends show up and support them. This was a big deal. They're well known in their community and I'm happy to see them become a bigger more engaged part of it. They even joined the alumni organization!

Of course, everyone is asking when I'm going to do it, but that's about a 50mi + commute for me to attend a class mid-week! We will see. Maybe I'll join one that is local to my current community.

Two. 


You've been hearing about #Spurs lately, and now you finally get to see him. ;) Next week you'll get to "meet" him. This guy had the best weekend planned for us. I really wish I would have taken more photos. Since we will be spending more time in each other's cities I was thinking about doing little series covering the places that we pick to explore and show off our cities...

Friday evening he took me to Hotel Emma which is stunning! They have a beautiful library inside along with a gorgeous bar, which has a large whiskey selection. If you like the glam industrial vibe, you need to visit.

Afterwards we went to La Gloria for margaritas, I mean dinner... & I'm pretty sure I stopped listening after margaritas but the outdoor area was so pretty. Like heart eyes pretty & the evening wasn't too humid. The food was delish & I needed a friend to come help me finish my margarita!

Three. 


I'm a sucker for graffiti/colorful walls and the next place he took me to has the famous I love you tacos so much wall!!!!! Eep!

Four. 


Saturday we went to the Japanese Gardens, which is so so so pretty! Then we headed off to the San Antonio Botanical Garden where they had a whole area of nothing but cacti and an entire walking trail of cacti. I was in heaven! I'm pretty sure we explored every trail they had, we almost died of allergies in one area and we were so exhausted by the end of the day.

Five. 


On Wednesday I was surprised with a special delivery to my office. I've never received just because flowers before. They're so pretty and smell amazing! I also had chocolates and bath stuff. I'm becoming so spoiled!

One last thing! I'm hosting an online Tupperware party. I lurve containers and all things kitchen, so I thought I would share with my friends too. If you're interested in joining, click here. The group is private so nothing will show up in your timeline. :) 

See y'all next week! Enjoy the long weekend!

xo,
Cel