I mentioned in my separation post that I walked into a doctor's appointment and was told "you're an abused spouse." 



I was shaking when I walked into her exam room. As soon as I opened my mouth I started sobbing uncontrollably. I told her that I thought I needed to be on anti-anxiety medication again, but I was scared because before it had made me feel like a zombie.

She asked me what was going on in my life and I told her that I was currently separated and about to file for divorce, that my soon-to-be ex had made the appointment for me because he felt I needed to be medicated.

She immediately told me that I was exhibiting signs of an abused spouse. The uncontrollable shaking, continuous vomiting, uncontrollable crying, lack of appetite, and becoming paralyzed when I needed to get the ball rolling on certain tasks.

The fact that he had called in to have me medicated was a huge red flag.

I should also mention she had seen him a couple weeks prior. So she knew both of us and both sides of what was happening.

She asked me to explain to her what was going on during the separation. I explained to her the rules we established in our therapy session, explained to her all his behaviors, showed her texts, emails, and even let her listen to his voicemails. I told her about his admittance to an affair during our sessions and let her know that they were now public as well.

She walked out of the room, came back in and then started a report. She told me "you're an abused spouse and you're exhibiting all the signs of a battered woman trying to get away." She had the front desk staff put on alert, and then locked all my files so he couldn't try to use my doctor's appointment as a way to stall the divorce.

She told me that he was acting the way he was, because he was losing control over me and couldn't handle it.

What neither of us knew was that this doctor specialized in the care of abused women.

As we went through everything that had happened during the separation and what had gone on during the marriage she suggested a few books, & suggested a therapist for me.

She told me that there was a lot of damage done that I couldn't even see yet. First I needed to see a therapist to help me heal, and I needed to learn how to establish boundaries.

She didn't understand why the marriage counselor was allowing my ex to act the way he was, SHE wasn't establishing clear boundaries for him and wasn't creating a safe space for me. She was pretty livid about this.

She gave me a prescription for anti-anxiety meds to help me get a grasp and simply be able to function so I could get out.

I left my appointment pretty stunned. Me? I was an abused spouse? But he never touched me... I'm a strong woman. My girlfriends come to me to ask about relationship advice.

When I got back to my car I had already missed texts and calls from him wanting to know what the doctor had said and what medication she had put me on. I was hesitant to answer him, but once I felt safe in my own space I told him (why, I'll never know) that she told me I was an abused spouse.

He laughed and told me that I wasn't an abused spouse, she didn't know what she was talking about. Then proceeded to tell me that I needed to get rid of my friends, because they weren't my friends. & that I needed to separate myself from my parents because they didn't want what was best for me. He told me that I should know that he was the one that loved me the most and wanted the best for me.

I wouldn't schedule the appointment with my new therapist for a couple more months, but I can tell you I sure was glad I did because I learned SO much. Hey! I'm not crazy!