The Story Behind My First Tattoo: Semicolon + Ampersand
- February 23, 2018
- By Celia Ybarra
- 4 Comments
One night, at the end of a good girl's night out I walked into Mainline Ink and got my very first tattoo with two of my best girls by my side literally holding my hand.
My tattoo artist, Becca, was the sweetest and made me feel so welcomed and at ease! I couldn't have asked for a better first experience.
I remember as she started thinking oh my goodness this is happening, this is real, I am going to have a tattoo on my body for the rest of my life! Ouch, ouch, ouch, and it was over. Whew! I sat with Aiko as she got her semicolon tattoo as well. Then when Shellie was talking to them about an idea she had, I had to sit again because I got light headed, and had a bit of the cold sweats!
The semi colon is to raise awareness on mental health. It means your story is not over yet for anyone who self harms or with anxiety, depression, suicidal thoughts, and PTSD. You are the author of your own story.
The Ampersand is a broken infinity that reminds people nothing lasts forever, but there's always an AND. A symbol of hope, optimism, and mystery. A reminder to live in the present.
Although not vocalized, because mental health just isn't something our society talks about openly, I've always been an advocate for mental health. There are so many people who need help and are either afraid to ask for it or they just can't afford it. It is no different than someone having a toothache, we should be making sure that we are taking care of our minds too.
...but here comes the full story on why I chose these as my first tattoos. When I met up with Shellie & Aiko that night I asked them if I could tell them something. I had been contemplating suicide for a few days. I laid on my couch thinking I had some pretty sharp knives in my kitchen. The pain I was feeling inside was like nothing I ever felt before. My heart was beyond broken, my life shattered to pieces, & I had messages on my phone from #HomeWrecker apologizing to me for falling in love with my husband, promising that she didn't leave her husband for mine despite how it looked, and not knowing how she was going to one day come clean to her family that she fell in love with another woman's husband. (I actually came across these messages on my phone the other night while I was looking for photos of my place when I first moved in to write my One Year of Living on My Own post. I've come a long way.)
Anyway, I was looking for a way to end my pain. Nothing I usually do to make myself feel better was working. Suicide sounded like a good option. This way, no one would have to worry about me anymore. I mentioned to them that I thought about getting a tattoo, that maybe the pain of getting a tattoo would momentarily ease the pain that I was feeling. Plus, my ex-husband had always told me he would divorce me if I ever got one. Both girls said "lets do it!" and Shellie found us a tattoo shop to go to at the end of the night!
I get asked about my tattoos a lot and I love being able to bring light to mental health each time. Even if its just for the moment.
4 comments
I love your tattoos and I love that there is very personal meaning behind them for you. I'm glad you're back blogging. I had no idea what had been going on in your life - I was just watching from the sidelines, longing to reach out and talk to you, but feeling like a creeper because had we ever actually talked? or had i only just read your old blog and you mine? Almost a year and a half ago, I got my first tattoo. It was about 3 months after my mom had unexpectedly passed away and I was feeling so many of the same emotions that you'd mentioned above, but for different reasons. I still miss her so much that it physically hurts most days and I wonder if that'll ever stop. Well, I'd found my last birthday card from her, where she'd signed it "Love, Mom, Dad, Smokey, Jasmine, and Bandit" (their three cats) and I had the tattoo artist copy her "Love, Mom" onto the inside of my wrist. So now when I'm REALLY missing her or I feel like I need her support, I can just look at my wrist for a reminder of her love.
ReplyDeleteLike I mentioned above, I don't know if we'd ever really talked before, but if you'd like to, I'm open to emailing or texting or whatever. Just let me know. You can never have too many girlfriends.
So true! You can never have too many girlfriends! I can't express how sorry I am for your loss. I love that your tattoo brings you a bit of comfort, such a great idea! We will chat soon! :)
DeleteI LOVE the meaning behind these!
ReplyDeleteThank you!! <3
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