I met #DrummerBoy exactly 11 days after I broke things off with #CarGuy.

I remember the first time I saw him, he came over after his first round of the pool tournament, he lost, so his name was being added to the losers bracket and his words were "I'm gonna own that losers bracket." I turned around, I thought he was cute, giggled, and then thought nothing of it. This was my company's customer appreciation party. I was working, so I definitely wasn't looking to meet anyone that night.

Turned out he and I ended up playing each other, flirtation ensued, but this isn't uncommon at this type of party & it usually doesn't lead anywhere. Not to my knowledge anyway. 

My best-friend happened to be working the party that night to help out my company and overheard him talking about me. She's protective and ended up pulling him aside to do a pre-screening. He told her the three main things, no wife/girlfriend, no kids, and no addictions. My best-friend ended up telling me about him and so I thought, I'm single, he's single, we are attracted to each other... let's see where this goes. 

We had been talking all night and I had already taken off my heels. My feet were on fire. This was the first night it snowed in Houston in years. #DrummerBoy wanted me to go outside with him to see the snow but I didn't remember where I took my shoes off at. So, he had me hop on his back and he carried me outside. If you're from Houston, you know just how magical the snow is for us. He set me down on the ground and said we have to dance in the snow. I don't dance y'all. I hadn't since middle/high school. But there I was, dancing in the snow and being spun around. It was like a scene straight out of a fairy tale movie. 

I woke up the next morning with a major headache, and saw the notepad next to the bed that I had drunkenly written his name and the company he worked for. I guess I didn't want to forget when I woke up the next day. 

We ended up connecting and chatting. I couldn't get dancing in the snow out of my mind. 

This guy swept me off my feet at the most unexpected time. Magic is the only way I could describe it. 

Here is what I learned from this experience (the positives):

-I deserve magic. I mentioned earlier I don't dance. With him, we danced in the middle of a parking lot, in the middle of restaurants, in the kitchen, or in a friend's living room. 

-I can find exactly what I want in a man and I don't have to settle for less. 

-There are still men out there who love their Momma, their family, and have their faith. 

-Sex with men who are in shape is a lot more fun. & I should probably get myself in better shape too!  

-With #CarGuy I gained back my sexual confidence, with #DrummerBoy I learned to own my sexuality. My boundaries and limits were pushed, but I had fun along the way.

-I was able to get back to me, and show my fun, silly & flirtatious side. 

-It's okay to just have fun, & enjoy the journey.

 

Here is what I learned from this experience (red flags):  

-If for a first date a guy just wants "you, me, my apartment". & you're in his bed less than an hour after your arrival... it's not likely to turn into anything more than sex. 

-If a guy seriously asks you to move in with him & have his children within the first month... might be something he's hiding. This could be a way to trap you.

-If a guy begs you to have his child, and tells you "I always f*ck this up, I promise I will pay child support and I promise I'll be in their life."  Make sure you're using your brain. 

-Anyone who forces you to do something sexually doesn't care about you. Anyone who doesn't stop when you ask them to stop doesn't care about you. 

-Believe what your eyes see the first time. The first time I stayed at his place, as soon as we rolled out of bed the beer can was hitting his lips. Initially I thought he was just using it as his spit cup. On another stay I realized he literally drank from the moment he woke up. & later on I watched him vomit 3 separate times through out the day from too much drinking.

-If you're invited over, he knows you're on you're way, and then he's passed out so hard he doesn't hear your phone calls/knocks on the door when you arrive... he's probably got a drinking/drug problem.

-If you have mutual friends and they warn you that this is not a path you want to go down, believe them, & trust they want what's best for you.

Here is what I was thankful for during this time: 

I learned to look at a man's actions, instead of listening solely to his words. He asked me on several occasions to move in with him, to have his children & that he wanted that suburban family life style. BUT, he always failed to show me he was interested unless it was close to the times that we would be getting together. 

I learned that a man can have all the qualities you want in a person and still not be the right person for you. & that's okay.

I learned that a man can want all the things and simply not be ready for it. 

I learned that an alcoholic can want so badly to stop drinking, but can't quite find their strength, and that it's not my fault. I am still enough. & it's okay for me to be heartbroken for them.

I learned it is not my job to rescue people. We were talking about mental health and he had told me he didn't need a therapist, he had me. I confidently told him I could be there for him, and offer support, but I was in no way his therapist. 

I learned I cannot date someone who is close minded/racist towards any group of people.

I learned I have a lot of patience with someone when they're drunk out of their minds and behaving inappropriately in public. I also learned that I will not deal with that on a regular basis.

I learned to stand up for myself. He called me names and threw my divorce in my face. When each of these things happened I was shocked. Being called names was something that happened in my marriage & I didn't even know that wasn't okay... so this time around I let #DrummerBoy know that this wasn't acceptable and he couldn't do it again. Having my divorce thrown in my face was actually one of my biggest fears when I knew I would start dating again. It stung and I couldn't believe it was happening.   

During my time dating him I reached out to those who have successful relationships with people who may struggle with a drinking problem. I was able to find support, & I grew a little closer with friends I may not have previously. I also learned more about their relationships and about having compassion and grace for those who do struggle with drinking. I learned that they are not bad people, it's a disease that seriously sucks. 

Things between us ended when he kind of pulled a hit it & quit it move before he headed out to his property in East Texas. It took me by surprise because to get me to come over he sent messages with "I love you" 's , "I need you" & "I need to wake up with you next to me." , I was out with my company that night but no matter how late I got home he wanted me to come by. I did and then didn't hear from him for weeks. 

When I did hear from him and I didn't respond the way he was used to, he tried to turn things around on me. This was a quick red flag, because it was what my ex-husband used to do, and in the end what #CarGuy tried to do.I wasn't about to let things replay themselves for the 3rd time in a row. He told me he loved me, but that I was used to being married. This statement made no sense, because nothing I did had anything to do with me being married before. He's the one that told me he didn't want this to be just about sex, the one that wanted me to stay nights, cooked for me, wanted me to meet family & had friends come by. Because of his drinking, I was super cautious and taking things slow. 

To this day, I don't know if his words were true, if it was the alcohol talking, or if he was just really good at saying what a woman wants to hear. 

One of the biggest take-a ways from this was when a friend of mine, a recovered alcoholic and drug addict, asked me one day when I was upset "Can this man lead you in the right direction?" 

As this was coming to an end, I would meet #Spurs. & now after reading about #CarGuy and #DrummerBoy you know why it was such a big deal that our first date was completely sober.

I know what you might be thinking... another guy Cel? One. I do what I want. Two. I don't entertain every/any guy that slides into my DM's/calls/texts me. This one is different.

Despite being disappointed yet again, I'll tell you what made me want to give him a chance next week. 

xo, 

Cel