Celia Brews It Over

I am so beyond thrilled for 2019. I'm trying to keep my head down and focus on where I am and ending 2018 with a bang, but I feel like 2019 is going to be on fire!

2017 was choas & full of discovering who I am not. 2018, I had a goal of calm, and although it didn't start that way I was able to get quiet, & calm & centered and really focus on my wants, needs, desires and discovering exactly who I am. 2019 will be the year Celia 4.0 launches. Come back on the 13th to see the word I've chosen for 2019!

I love lists. & I love accountability. Here's my bucket list for 2019.

1. Obtain my Real Estate license.
2. Create a clear and branded online presence.
3. Launch my podcast.
4. Sell 12 homes.
5. Go skydiving.
6. Go on a cruise.
7. Go to my kickboxing classes 3-4 times a week.
8. Purchase my 1st piece of investment real estate.
9. Hand written Birthday Wishes & Thank You cards.
10. Maintain a daily journal.
11. Have a Pedal Party.
12. Go on a Winery/Brewery Tour.
13. Have a (family) ladies night out/in.
14. Take a dance class.
15. Get my cross tattoo
16. Get my dragonboat/Texas tattoo.
17. Unplug one day a week for 12hrs.
18. Read 24 Personal Development books.
19. Practice my SAVERS every day.

If you have a bucket list for 2019 I would love it if you shared it with me!

See ya tomorrow!
Cel

Although Texas, Houston specifically, doesn't get Fall until later in the year it is my favorite. It's currently 91 degrees F with a "feels like" temp of 101...

Still it is my favorite.

•  To me, it's a sign of the holidays coming. Eventually the weather cools down a bit and we start to feel a cool breeze come by for a few days at a time. 
• Although sometimes the gloomy weather puts me in a funk, it's the perfect time to take a day or two to yourself and indulge in a Netflix binge session or cuddle up with a blanket, my favorite candle and a cook book. 
• Pumpkin spice, cheetah print, boots, and cozy sweaters! 

What is your favorite season? & why? 

Happy October! I hope you are all doing well! & if you're not, remember my inbox is always open. I'm not a licensed anything, but I do declare a judgement free zone and an open ear to listen.

I have taken some time to myself and haven't been blogging much. I've had my own thing that I've needed to work through again, so I got silent, and reflective & I'm here. I'm not sure I will write about it, now or ever. But I want you to know that I am okay, safe, and healthy.



One June 27th, 2017 I saw a new therapist who, although sometimes we butt heads, was exactly the therapist I needed in my life.

I made the decision to see her for the following reasons: 
1. I didn't want to feel the guilt of ending my marriage for the rest of my life.
2. I didn't want to wake up every day feeling like I had DIVORCED stamped on my forehead.
3. I didn't want to care/love my ex-husband anymore.
4. I didn't want to punish myself and/or others who came into my life for his mistakes.
5. I wanted to know how/why I ended up in an abusive marriage and didn't see it.


The Guilt of Ending my Marriage: 
I've mentioned it before, coming from a Hispanic & Catholic family made the decision to end my marriage insanely hard. I worried endlessly about what my family would think. & how disappointed in me they would be. During therapy we went over everything in my marriage and even how the relationship was before marriage. It was here that I learned it wasn't healthy from the beginning. We also went over what was done to try to help/mend the marriage.  In these discussions she helped me get rid of the guilt. I had done everything I could to try to repair/salvage/make our marriage better. I know you may think but Celia, marriage isn't an I think it's a we/us thing. This is true, but when your partner won't work to make things better, change behaviors, respect boundaries, respect your opinion/requests, seek knowledge on how to be a better spouse/partner, then all you can do is focus on your part. Once I realized and I mean really realized that I could not control his behavior, only mine. Then the guilt left me, I had done everything within my power.

Waking up with Divorce stamped on your forehead: 
It may seem completely silly, but, in private conversations I've had with others who have been divorced, you literally wake up in the morning feeling like someone stamped DIVORCED right in the middle of your forehead. It was the first thought on my mind every day. I am divorced. I've gotten divorced. I'm one of those people. My marriage failed. I failed. I can't pinpoint the day, but I just remember thinking one day Hey my first thought today wasn't that I was divorced! I remember the next time I went into my therapy session I said this so happily! It was huge for me!







I had my last therapy session on February 27, 2018.

I didn't expect to walk in there and it be my last day with my therapist. It was a sad moment, but my goodness it was a high five, jump up in the air, I DID IT moment too.

Here is what I learned during my time with her:

1. I shine bright like a diamond. I am a catch & I am in my prime! 
Regardless of the fact that I was dating, I would still catch myself talking down on myself. I knew I was worthy, but I didn't know I was worthy. If that makes any sense at all. My ex-husband had put so much garbage in my head in order to break me down & when I asked him my he loved me the only thing he could give me was "you're hot." - that by the end of it my mind was foggy. Through my sit down sessions with her and chats with my support circle I came to realize and really realize that I'm a freakin' prize! Although I don't currently own my own home, I have a roof over my head that I put there. I have a car that I pay for. I have food I put on my own table. I have a career. Although I don't have a piece of paper for it, I have an education and am a smart cookie! I have a huge heart and goals so big that they scare me. I take care of my body. Self-care and self-love is my number one priority. & I am more than just an object.
2. I can't love a man/be loved by a man who is abusive, an alcoholic or an addict. 
Movies and books make such a love story and fairy tale about a woman with a kind heart healing a broken man. Nah, girl. He needs to heal himself. He has to do the work himself. You can't love a broken man into a good man. I learned that I was entering the same cycle over and over with the men I was choosing to date. At the core, they were the same. I have a caregiver personality & can be an enabler to their behaviors. I learned the abuse cycles & how to gauge the behaviors of others + their habits with alcohol/drugs.   
3. My personality - Type A, Caregiver with a Wild Spirit. Nice Girl.
I am 100% a Type A. I like plans. I like every single moment planned out and could plan my life for the next 10 years and I'd be happy. I'd also trigger my anxiety like whoa!
I have a Caregiver personality that tends to attract the broken. Hence the guys I was attracting in the past.
I have a side of me that conflicts with my Type A personality. I like to throw caution to the wind. I like to go off on adventures whether far or near and just go with the flow. I've got a Wild Spirit.In 2017, I actually threw all plans out the window and did go with the flow. It was nice, but in 2018 I've combined the two.
Nice girl. This was the hardest part of myself to look at. Nice girl, isn't a compliment. I was a door mat not just to men, but in my friendships as well. Eye opening book that I'll do a review on soon, The Nice Girl Syndrome - Stop Being Manipulated and Abused and Start Standing Up for Yourself 
4. Anxiety & Depression. Al-Anon. Red flags.
I was firm that I do not want to be on medications for my anxiety, long term. I do not look down on them or those who do go the medication route. But anxiety and depression are not a one size fits all. & trust me there were some weeks I told my therapist that I just wanted to be given a pill again. I learned that my anxiety, although we thought it was triggered initially because of Hurricane Ike... it was actually the environment I was in when I moved in with my ex-Father-in-Law. He was a functional alcoholic. It continued on when I continued the relationship with my ex-husband & not listening to my gut that it was not a healthy relationship. My anxiety would flare up during my relationships with #CarGuy and #DrummerBoy as a way to tell me caution! caution! red flags! I learned to identify red flags. To keep my eyes open. When I did Al-Anon I learned to ask myself the hard questions and was reminded, I can only control me. Other people's behaviors are not my responsibility or a reflection of myself. I learned that most of the time, when I fall into my anxiety hole... it's usually because I am not engaging in the acts that I know keeps my anxiety under control. I also learned to surround myself with others who are healthy / take control of their own lives. 

I could keep going and going. Therapy was well worth the investment, but I did a lot of work outside of therapy. You can go, but if you don't do the work every single day to heal yourself... you won't see the results. 

If you have any questions at all... please don't be shy, my inbox is always open. 

xo, 
Cel 

Hello hello & welcome to Celia Brews it Over!

Allow me to introduce myself.

I'm Celia, a mid-thirties furmom navigating life in Houston, TX with love, peace & positivity. I believe everyone should have a therapist and/or life coach and the world would be a better place for it. I've been called the Queen of Self Love + Personal Development, and wear that badge with honor!


By day I run projects for a German pipe trading company and by night I want to do it all! I am currently taking classes for my Real Estate license (if you're looking to buy in a year or two think of me!) , I am a Tupperware lady (YES the stuff your Grandma and Mom used to have is still around) & I dabble in some health and fitness products with M.Global (the GO stiks are my JAM!)

I'm not much of a TV person, in fact I much prefer to read, listen to an audio book, listen to podcasts, or journal with music in the background. I've been known not to turn on my TV for weeks.

I love to be active. Hiking became a big thing for me in 2017, but I quickly learned that hiking in Houston vs hiking anywhere with any type of incline is very different!

I believe you can choose to be a victim to life events, or you can choose to rise up and be a warrior. Choose to be a damn Warrior, ladies.

I'm in a long distance relationship with this 10. & learning slowly, but surely, what it means to be fully supported & in a healthy relationship.


See ya tomorrow!
-Cel

The book that everyone is reading! Girl, wash your face, by: Rachel Hollis. GOLD!

In my opinion, at least.

There were some chapters that I cried, and then two seconds later she had me laughing. That's when you know you truly connected with the writer. 

I did see some girls slam this book in a FB group I was in, which is what pushed me to go ahead and get my hands on it.

Let me preface this, with saying this book is not for you if: 
- You believe your way is the right way, and only way.
- You believe your faith is the right way, and only way.
- You believe that you have all the life experiance & have nothing left to learn.
- You believe you are perfect.
- You have a small town mindset and aren't willing to expand.

I love how she laid out her book and each chapter is titled "The Lie: ... " .  Lots of times what is holding us all back are the lies we keep telling ourselves. She doesn't preach to us, rather she tells us her experience with each subject and how she grew and then tells us what helped her get there. A lot of Life Coaches do this in their sessions & sometimes therapist will do this to help you put two and two together.

Without giving away too much of her writing, here is how the book resonated with me.

Chapter 5. The Lie: Loving Him is Enough for Me. 

When this chapter came up I thought oh shit, here we go. I said this a lot in my therapy sessions when asked why I stayed with the ex-husband. I didn't know she would go even deeper and describe exactly the things I went through with #CarGuy & #DrummerBoy. She talks about the moment she realized that "I was just a booty call." With #DrummerBoy I had realized this when I was with him. Also when my Mom told me I was just a booty call to him. I realized this about #CarGuy while listening to this book and she described scenes so vividly that I thought she was inside my head. I connected with her on this chapter also because she didn't have a lot of dating experience. So as naive as I was, at freaking 31-33 years old. At least I know that it wasn't just me, I wasn't just making stuff up in my head, and I wasn't just being emotional/jealous.

Chapter 7: The Lie: I'm Bad at Sex. 

I didn't know. I had married the only guy I had ever had sex with and most of the time he didn't want to even touch me.

This terrified me when I started dating. No, I didn't think I was going to sleep with every guy I dated, but I also knew that I was in my early 30's ... I'm not going to wait until I'm married again to sleep with someone. Plus, shit man, I deserve to have good sex, finally!

There was nothing new in this chapter for me, but reminders are always great. Sometimes we forget that guys feed off our sexual energy, our confidence. & the flaws we see, they don't. They're just excited we are there.

Hearing her story just let me know that this is something we all sometimes struggle with. 

Chapter 10: The Lie: I Should Be Further Along by Now.

This was the biggest lie I believed during my separation and divorce. It was what sent me into one of my downward spirals one night that I had to call my parents over. She reminds us that we are all on different paths, there's no timeline/check list we have to go by.    


Chapter 12: The Lie: I Need to Make Myself Smaller. 

This chapter was so good! This is something I am still learning day by day not to do.

When I completed my therapy sessions my therapist made me promise to never ever dim my light for anyone ever again. A lot of the ex-husband's anger/control stemmed from jealousy. I would always fall back and make myself small when he was around. I always let him be the center of attention, if people spoke to me, he usually would answer for me. I would always walk behind him, I wouldn't share with him the exciting news I had because he would find some way to make it negative. I didn't socialize as much as I would have liked because he always wanted to be there, & I didn't go after my dreams because he thought they were too big/too stupid.

I started to do this with a former friend as well, recently. But when I stopped making myself small, when I started to do my thing, it ended the friendship. As sad as that was, it opened the door almost immediately to others that didn't expect me to stay small.

If you tend to be a people-pleaser, this chapter is definitely for you.






Chapter 15: The Lie: I Will Never Get Past This.

This chapter is fire.

If you have ever been through something and you couldn't see the light at the end of the tunnel. You felt like you were never going to feel like you again. This is for you.

& if you haven't felt that way. Yay! Read it anyway. Because life.

Chapter 18: The Lie: I Need a Drink: 

I loved that she touched on this subject. & I love how raw and honest she is about her experiences. Not just within this chapter but throughout. In this chapter she talks about how she didn't really drink before she had kids. In fact she & her husband kind of judged people for how much they drank, and then she had kids and it was one glass of wine, one glass of wine every night, two glasses of wine, then multiple bottles a week... then it turned into another alcohol of choice.

Alcohol is something I struggle with right now. Before #Spurs the other two guys were alcoholics. So anytime I was with them, drinking all day/night was always the thing. Although during the time I was with my ex-husband I wouldn't consider him an alcoholic... if I was ever upset, stressed, angry... he was putting a drink in my hand.

During my separation + divorce I drank a lot. When I was reading about post-divorce stuff this came up a lot. It's actually quite normal and a part of a lot of people's healing cycle. Doesn't mean it is right, but I wasn't alone in this.

I was drinking so much that I actually was kind of scared for myself. I asked my therapist if I might be an alcoholic. I considered going sober. I still do sometimes.

I was actually talking with #Spurs the other day about how I'm trying to make healthier choices. I don't really drink these days. Other than on a date night with him & the last time we were out I was already getting buzzed before finishing one beer. (Guess I'm a cheap date now.) So it is more about changing my mindset. When I'm upset/stressed/angered I'm trying to instead of telling myself "I need a drink" think to myself "I need a good workout". Don't get me wrong, I still love me a good margarita / glass of whiskey.

I feel like this chapter came at just the right time.

The Universe/God always knows what you need.

Chapter 20. The Lie: I Need a Hero.

Just read it.

After all my Personal Development Reading, Therapy and Life Coaching sessions I always want to shake people because YOU are the key to everything!



The book closes out with the paragraph above. Gah! I haven't seen a more perfect ending to a book. I felt this deep in my soul. I remember days I couldn't get out of bed. I'd call into work and literally work from my bed. I remember days/nights falling to my knees with tears streaming down my face not knowing how I was going to make it to another day. If you heard all the thoughts rolling through my mind that I would say to myself so that I'd get up and wash my face you'd think I was a mad woman.

This quote. I want it printed & in my place. & if you're struggling. I want you to print it, write it down, read it over and over. It is so powerful!

I would definitely put this in my list of top personal development books. Her next book Girl, Stop Apologizing is coming out early 2019 & I can't wait.


Until Next Time,

XO - Cel

Good morning! Happy FriYay!!! Things have been getting pretty deep on this blog of mine! Whoo! I promised, I would talk about the hard stuff. We've been talking about it!

How about we lighten things up today? Five on Friday is back! It's been a while, right?!

I've been good, more than good. But I've had my head down, working hard towards my goals, and finally coming up for a breathe of air. I've had most people support me, and only one that took issue with me needing to retreat to work towards my goals. Good riddance. Keep your tribe tight and full of those who fully support you.

Let's get this thang started.

One. 


This guy. I couldn't be more lucky to have him in my life. It's like all those things I threw out into the Universe that I wanted in a guy compiled into this amazing human. When I thought I'd had enough the Universe was like "wait! found him!" We had our first real vacation together earlier this month. I'll cover it in its own post. I loved exploring a new city with him. We learned I'm great at figuring out where we need to go, and he's great at actually navigating us there. Team work!

Two. 


For this trip I couldn't take my little furnugget with us. I was so anxious over this. Who was going to watch him? Could my Mom spend a week with him? What about another family member?
The last time someone offered to watch him they were super inconsistent. & I partially wonder looking back now if they did it on purpose. Which makes me really sad.
From what I've been reading Angel and I are really closely bonded FurMomma+FurBaby. & sometimes cats that are extremely bonded to their owners get separation anxiety. So when they have a sitter they need to be really consistent so they know they haven't been abandoned.
With Angel being 18 I always worry that something is going to upset him and then I am going to lose him. I know he's getting up there and I know the time is coming, but I want to extend that little life of his as much as I can.
I was chatting with a girlfriend of mine that has both dogs and cats and I know she loves her animals just as much as I love my little furnugget. She was telling me about PetSitter apps and I think I actually downloaded the wrong one but I found the most amazing sitter!
This girl was so punctual! The moment the clock struck 730, my phone was ringing for me to open the gates for her. She not only fed and cleaned his litter box, she swept the hard floors, we ended up having some ants and she took it upon herself to clean the area with vinegar and water and by the time I got home we were ant free! She took him out on the balcony and although I paid her for 30min visits. Most of the time she spent about 45mins with him. She gave me detailed reports of his food consumption, litterbox use and overall mood. He got upset a couple times and threw up, and she cleaned the areas. I couldn't even tell he threw up! Her last visit we both showed up at the same time and he greeted us both. He loved his sitter!

Three. 


This Month's Personal Development book is The Miracle Morning. Y'all it is so so good! I'm not waking up every day as early as I should, but I'm learning new things to incorporate into my morning to ensure I have the best days. I can't wait to finish and share with you my favorite pieces of the book.

Four. 


My Life Coach had her very first public workshop and y'all it sold out! I was so honored that she asked me to speak on The Benefits of Personal Development and my own personal testimonial working with her. I'll have blog posts on each here soon(ish) and I'll link them back here. Talk about out of my comfort zone though! Whew!

Five. 


Since the time that I took off to San Antonio back in February and rang up my friend Tori to see if the invitation was still open to crash at her pad we have grown closer. We both have that drive to grow grow grow, to work our asses off towards our dreams and to serve others. We recently learned that we both want to launch our own podcasts! How crazy is that?! Neither of us knew that the other even remotely thought of that!


& that's it for today!

Just counting down the hours until me and the Novio get to see each other!

& on today's episode of Celia Brews It Over... What not to say to a woman going through a divorce.

Yes, all of the below are things people said to me when they began to learn I had filed for a divorce.

Your best-friend, daughter, sister, or co-worker may not tell you it is hurtful or not okay, but I'm here to tell you for them. They have enough that they're dealing with. If you can't offer an ear, or shoulder, then just zip your lips.


How could you break a promise like that? Yes, marriage is a huge promise. For better or for worse. But when someone has been unfaithful to you, when you've constantly had to fight for your place in the marriage against a "friend" & when you've been the one putting in all the effort and begging them to please read an article, read a book, or go to therapy with you and they won't. There's only so much you can do on your own to keep that promise. Eventually you break. My break happened after I completely lost myself in my marriage. I had no idea who Celia was anymore. What I stood for, what I believed, who I could trust, heck I couldn't even tell you what I liked or liked to do. I did everything in my power to keep my promise. & I'm sure your friend did too. 

Marriage is hard, no one said it would be easy. I highly doubt anyone got married thinking this is going to be easy. We all know it is going to be hard. You're combining two lives. Your friend isn't divorcing because it wasn't easy. You may not ever know the true reason why they decided to get divorced. Especially if they have kids. 

Why didn't you try harder? I gave everything to my marriage. I tried everything possible. Read every book I could get my hands on. Even the ones that didn't sit well with me. I searched every corner of the internet on how to be a good wife, how to love him more, how to choose to love them, and how to fall back in love with them. Because everyone says that love and marriage is a choice. 

You're probably being too harsh. Maybe. But, maybe not. If this is your friend, give them the benefit of the doubt. Remember, you may not know the full story. My friends and family started learning about what was happening little by little, piece by piece. & still to this day, almost two years after we separated I'm still remembering things that happened behind closed doors & things friends said to try to make me see little red flags that I missed.


Be prepared to lose friends and maybe your family. Although this is true, and sometimes by choice to protect your energy or safety, let a therapist tell them this. Perhaps just let them know that not everyone will be a part of their support circle, and that's okay.


Let me know when you're ready to date. Guys. This is not what your chick friend wants or needs to hear. Although this helped with confidence, it made me sad every time. What I wanted was to know that I was safe and supported. Wait until some of the anger, grief and confusion has passed. I'll tell you right now, anyone that told me this was immediately black listed from my dating pool.


I can't believe you'd walk away from the life he could give you. This floored me. You don't always know how the finances work. Most people thought I was a stay at home wife. I don't usually talk about my day job on any of my social media profiles. & most days I cooked 3 meals a day. My day job doesn't make me rich, but it affords me a decent life. He wasn't giving me a life. He made more money than me but not SO much that I could never afford life on my own. Even if that was the case, money isn't a reason to stay, ever. Especially if the relationship is extremely unhealthy. 

You should/shouldn't date for X amount of time. Only work on yourself. Let her do what she wants/needs to do. The timeline is different for everyone. Yes, she may do some stuff that's destructive. Let her get it out of her system. Be. There. For. Her. Without judgement. I didn't sleep around with a lot of guys. But, I believe I've already mentioned it on here, my husband wouldn't touch me for months. Months, y'all! We've got needs! I felt crazy, and confused. I knew something about me was attractive, I could see the way other men would look at me or even notice when men made blatant passes at me. So why wasn't my husband sleeping with me? To be desired was part of my healing process and part of working on myself. I needed to get comfortable with my own sexuality again. & yes, she knows she needs to work on herself. She doesn't need to be a nun to do this. Because I fully believed I was 100% of the problem in the marriage, I had been working on myself hardcore not even a year after we got married. I had a head start, but I was still working on me daily, even if I was dating. 



Things he said to me in order to break me down and get me to come back to him.

I hope you get your life together. I felt like my life was in shambles but I knew better. My support circle also played a massive role in making sure I knew I had my life together and my feelings were just that. Feelings. They reminded me that although I didn't own the place I was in. I had a nice place, a car, my things, my kitties, and my career that was affording me to provide a life for myself.


You're a whore. It was okay for him to sleep with someone, but when he found out that I started dating #CarGuy, I was a whore.


You have no friends. In addition to telling me I needed to get rid of my therapist, & push my parents away he told me that I didn't have friends. Hmm. Well who were the girls that were making sure I woke up every day? Who were the girls making sure I had lunch/dinner even if it was just a little bit? Who were the girls making sure I went out from time to time? Isolation is an abusers best weapon. & my girls weren't going to allow that anymore.


You're an idiot. This was his favorite way to insult me. Everything I had to say was stupid & I was an idiot. He made sure to constantly remind me I never had the chance to finish my degree. 

You might be asking yourself, how does any of the above make you want him back? I would learn that these were all tear down tactics. Ways to try to get me to feel bad about myself, and make me believe I was unworthy. If I felt bad about myself and unworthy, then I would likely do what was comfortable and go back to all I had ever known.

Regardless of anything that happened, having #CarGuy in my life and my support circle was everything! 

I mentioned in my separation post that I walked into a doctor's appointment and was told "you're an abused spouse." 



I was shaking when I walked into her exam room. As soon as I opened my mouth I started sobbing uncontrollably. I told her that I thought I needed to be on anti-anxiety medication again, but I was scared because before it had made me feel like a zombie.

She asked me what was going on in my life and I told her that I was currently separated and about to file for divorce, that my soon-to-be ex had made the appointment for me because he felt I needed to be medicated.

She immediately told me that I was exhibiting signs of an abused spouse. The uncontrollable shaking, continuous vomiting, uncontrollable crying, lack of appetite, and becoming paralyzed when I needed to get the ball rolling on certain tasks.

The fact that he had called in to have me medicated was a huge red flag.

I should also mention she had seen him a couple weeks prior. So she knew both of us and both sides of what was happening.

She asked me to explain to her what was going on during the separation. I explained to her the rules we established in our therapy session, explained to her all his behaviors, showed her texts, emails, and even let her listen to his voicemails. I told her about his admittance to an affair during our sessions and let her know that they were now public as well.

She walked out of the room, came back in and then started a report. She told me "you're an abused spouse and you're exhibiting all the signs of a battered woman trying to get away." She had the front desk staff put on alert, and then locked all my files so he couldn't try to use my doctor's appointment as a way to stall the divorce.

She told me that he was acting the way he was, because he was losing control over me and couldn't handle it.

What neither of us knew was that this doctor specialized in the care of abused women.

As we went through everything that had happened during the separation and what had gone on during the marriage she suggested a few books, & suggested a therapist for me.

She told me that there was a lot of damage done that I couldn't even see yet. First I needed to see a therapist to help me heal, and I needed to learn how to establish boundaries.

She didn't understand why the marriage counselor was allowing my ex to act the way he was, SHE wasn't establishing clear boundaries for him and wasn't creating a safe space for me. She was pretty livid about this.

She gave me a prescription for anti-anxiety meds to help me get a grasp and simply be able to function so I could get out.

I left my appointment pretty stunned. Me? I was an abused spouse? But he never touched me... I'm a strong woman. My girlfriends come to me to ask about relationship advice.

When I got back to my car I had already missed texts and calls from him wanting to know what the doctor had said and what medication she had put me on. I was hesitant to answer him, but once I felt safe in my own space I told him (why, I'll never know) that she told me I was an abused spouse.

He laughed and told me that I wasn't an abused spouse, she didn't know what she was talking about. Then proceeded to tell me that I needed to get rid of my friends, because they weren't my friends. & that I needed to separate myself from my parents because they didn't want what was best for me. He told me that I should know that he was the one that loved me the most and wanted the best for me.

I wouldn't schedule the appointment with my new therapist for a couple more months, but I can tell you I sure was glad I did because I learned SO much. Hey! I'm not crazy!

Between me and the Lawyer:

I was very lucky. I had a great lawyer. He told me what my rights were and told me what I could fight for based upon the evidence I had. Which was everything.

But honestly, after nearly 12 years of this relationship. I was done fighting. I just wanted to walk.

When we sat down on February 11th I was ready to just walk away completely. During this conversation, my ex, although he didn't want it in the divorce decree had promised in front of my lawyer to split things 50/50. It was only right, I had been paying for everything just as he was. All our money went into one account and bills were payed from my paycheck.

Although it wasn't the greatest meeting, I walked away with just my car and the things I had personally purchased prior to marriage, feeling hopeful.

My lawyer kept the documents with  him until the last possible second, just in case I had changed my mind and wanted to legally fight for what was mine.

The End Result: 

Always include everything in the divorce decree. Don't let your spouse emotionally manipulate you.

I had signed documents to help speed up the sale of our marital home. He walked away with the money from the sale and didn't give me a dime.

I had to fight for the money on my VW to the very last second and penny. I had assumed the loan and the debt & if it wasn't for the fact that a mutual friend got involved and turned my car in for me, I wasn't going to get any of the money from my car. He still kept my final payment that the bank had deposited back into our account. Gotta love when a bank lets your spouse withdraw all the funds and close the joint account.

Joint accounts. When your lawyer tells you to take half the money in your accounts. Take half the money. I didn't want to do so until after I had spoken to my ex. Major mistake on my part. As much as I thought he would be fair. He spent the money and drained the accounts and left me with about $1k.

Taxes. He took my financial documents and filed our taxes jointly. Even though our divorce decree stated that we were to file separately. I should have fought him on this. Instead of getting money back, I ended up having to pay a good chunk of money.

Our divorce was finalized on May 5th, Cinco de Mayo! As much as friends wanted to celebrate and be like whoooooo single life! I was just relieved and happy it was over. The ordeal with Volkswagen was over in October of 2017 and y'all I could finally block him on everything. I no longer needed to accept any of his calls, or emails. I eventually had to block his Mom's phone number as well because he was calling my office from her line.

I could finally breathe!

Making the decision to divorce my ex-husband was about a 2 year process for me. It was a decision I didn't make lightly and I really struggled with it. I'm Hispanic and my family is Catholic. Marriage is sacred.

Thoughts ran through my head like:
"What will my parents think?" 
"What will the rest of the family think?" 
"What will our friends think?"
"We have been together so long, maybe this is just a rough patch."
"Maybe if I could just be better" 
"Maybe I'm just being a woman." 
"Maybe I should just try harder." 
"What if I could just love him more?" 
"No one will love him unconditionally the way I do."
"No one is going to prepare 3 meals daily nearly every day like I do AND hold a full time job! He will starve!" 

Looking back, our marriage was doomed from the beginning. Sure, we had been together a long time but our core values, hopes, dreams & faith didn't line up. Eventually I outgrew him.


We didn't even have the support of his family.

I remember him telling me that his Dad told him "It'll never work out. You are my Son, and she is your Mother." 

Friends told me that when they congratulated him on our engagement he told them "Eh, we have been together a long time. She was expecting it." 

We never had that honeymoon period. Our marriage was rough from the beginning & although I pretended to be excited leading up to the marriage, there was something looming over it the whole time. It didn't feel right. I've since learned, that was my gut and I should have listened to it.

Within our first year of marriage I started reading marriage books and articles on how to be a better wife. No matter what I did, it wasn't right and our marriage wasn't getting better. I dived into personal development as a whole thinking that if I could just be a better person overall then it would transform my marriage.

 During the last year of our marriage I started reading articles about when you know it's time for divorce written by divorce therapists, attorneys, and divorcees. As I read them my heart broke because I could check off everything on their lists. I never spoke to anyone about my marriage, which looking back I wish I would have. I felt very alone.

I had already been feeling like I was a shell of a person. Like I had lost myself in my marriage, but I thought this is just how it is.

It wasn't until one day at a tailgate #CarGuy asked me what was wrong. & of course I told him, nothing. There was honestly was nothing wrong, but he knew me pretty well and we had our times that we hung out just the two of us. He was the first person to speak up and say red flag! "You act differently when you're alone vs when you're with him." I asked couple close girlfriends and mentors and to my surprise they confirmed #CarGuy's statement. It was at this time that I started to learn that I/we had lost friends because people did not want to watch what was happening.

During the last year we had many mini blowouts. & everything began to irritate me about him. I was highly upset because this was the man I had chosen as my husband. The man I loved more than I loved myself. How could this be happening? The last 6 months were agonizing because I no longer wanted to make memories with him. I'd wish for plans to be cancelled and I would do what I could to engulf myself in my hobbies. I also slept on the couch for months...

I had already met with my lawyer about a month before I told him I wanted a divorce. My lawyer was helpful in letting me know what I needed to do to prepare, and what I needed to watch for during the separation. He explained to me what was rightfully mine, but honestly I was just tired and wanted to walk away.

I thought at this point, if I walked away, we wouldn't hate each other.

The day I told him was mid-day during a work week. I had someone who knew nothing about my marriage chime in that I was being too critical and wasn't giving him a chance to be a good husband.

While I was driving home that kept lingering on my mind and I almost continued to try, but, the reality of it was that he had nearly 12 years to be the partner I needed and if he hadn't changed/grown during that time I knew he wasn't going to.

The actual telling is short, just hard to do. I mentioned above it was a 2 year process for me. We sat down when I got home, and I saw hope in his eyes. He wanted to work on our marriage. See a therapist. For me. I had been working my butt off, alone. I couldn't anymore.

My heart sunk as I said "I want a divorce." & then my heart shattered.

Our University of Houston Tailgating group, the Code Red Tailgaters, got together this summer for a much needed meetup! Our sponsors Nine Banded Whiskey came out as well and had our signature drink available for us.



Pinkerton's, an establishment owned by a University of Texas alum, hosted us. I have to say each time I've been here the hospitality has been nothing short of amazing & the food is delish as well!

Two. 


I've been introduced to Jenga & y'all I'm obsessed. I want to play it over and over. I feel like a 3 year old saying again again!

Three. 


I took #Spurs around my hometown area and he loved it. What made my heart so warm was to see him perk up when he saw water. The water has (almost) always been my calm, so to see him enjoy it so much makes me happy.

We started out at my favorite breakfast place ever in life, the Sunflower Bakery, in Galveston. As always the food did not disappoint. This place has about a half hour wait, and that was the case this time as well. 


We strolled the Strand, drove along the Seawall and then headed back up towards my hometown of Kemah. I showed him my family's property and then we headed to lunch. We were both starved!


#Spurs is pizza obsessed, so much so he has Professional Pizza Eater listed under his IG bio. Haha! I was conflicted if I should take him to a tourist spot or a hometown spot. Given how hot it was, I opted for Boondoggles, the hometown spot, since I knew it would allow us to sit indoors. This place has a wide array of foods and they're all delish + they have a good selection of craft beers and a full bar. If you're not into craft beers they also have your regular selections.

After this we went to the Boardwalk & hopped aboard the Boardwalk Beast. It had been a while since I had ridden this and I was hoping we wouldn't lose our lunch! Luckily we just got pretty soaked and all food remained in our tummies.



Four. 


Doing the long distance thing can be a little hard, emotionally. I remember one time when #Spurs left I felt super sad. & I hated the way I felt because I told myself I wouldn't feel that way. I knew he lived in San Antonio and I lived in Houston. So basically I had a suck it up, Buttercup talk with myself & I didn't like that my tough love talk with myself didn't work.

When #Spurs came in town the last time it was the greatest thing ever to see Angel acknowledge him to the point that he was talking to him and following him around my apartment like a dog!

One thing I learned in dating was to ask guys if they liked cats, almost immediately. Thankfully #Spurs likes cats, most importantly my Cat, and spoils him as if he is his own.

When #Spurs left, Angel ended up cuddling up with the blanket #Spurs had lounged on my couch with that day. I guess he missed him too.

Five.


SnapChat! I still use it! Mainly because the filters are fun and I like to make the bitmjoi mini movies with my friends. Above is my new handle. Since they don't allow you to edit your handle I had to create a whole new one. Rumor has it someone has my old phone number and they're in a dark place in their life. So if you've been seeing that, you're following the wrong account. Mine has mainly been about food and my waistline is yelling at me for it! Ha!

Chat with ya soon! XO,
Cel

This was my weekend to drive into San Antonio and imagine my suprise when I walked in to see #Spurs' house decorated for my furbabe's birthday. Heart melting!


This is probably the sweetest and most thoughtful thing anyone has done for the two of us.


Unfortunately, Angel was less than thrilled and let us know the rest of the night.

Two. 


Hi. It's me. Sitting atop Enchanted Rock.

I love being outside and I love going on hikes. #Spurs surprised me by taking me to Enchanted Rock. I learned real quick that hikes in Houston/NASA are merely walks. My thighs were on fire!

What you don't see behind this photo is #Spurs encouraging me each step along the way and not complaining when I stopped 10 million times on the way up. Ha! I also learned if you walk up backwards that helps too!

Is this shirt not amazing?!?!


I can't wait to go on more adventures like this. I also need to get my bootay in the gym to prep for more adventures like this.

Three. 

Do you remember the pretty rug I posted in my new apartment post, here? It was my dream rug! Well. I'm having to get rid of it. I had a suspicion that Angel didn't like it. He jumped onto the ottoman and walked across it to get on or off the couch & he always walked all the way around the living room to go anywhere else in our casita.
I woke up one day and there was healthy poop on the carpet, so I watched him. He wasn't having any issues. In fact he'd poop in his litter box, and then choose to finish up on the carpet.
Then one day shortly after I got out of the shower the rug was wet and I thought it was just from my feet. Then another time it was wet and I knew it wasn't from me. I figure out Angel is peeing on my pretty rug! Ugh.
So this past weekend when #Spurs was over he helped me roll up the rug. Now Angel thinks that it is his scratching post. Sigh.

Four. 


Invest in your friends that invest in you. Sally is the wifey of one of my college buddies. We've been friends on Facebook for a while. It was when I would begin my own dark journey that I saw she was killing it with her first book. I don't know what it was but something told me to reach out to her, to let her know that I was watching, cheering her on and so so proud of the work she was doing. That would spark our friendship, eventually lead her to being my life coach, and then now sometimes we'll chat and I'll end up giving her little nuggets of advice about her biz. Sally is a super woman. She's a wifey, momma, office manager, best-selling author, life coach, public speaker & a stand up comic. I don't know how she does it all and then still manages to put herself together and have all the pretties.

Follow her on Instagram to watch her grow. She'll have you laughing almost daily!

Five. 


Today is National Sushi Day! & I'm really wanting sushi for dinner.

Where is your favorite place to grab sushi?

I signed up to be a Tupperware consultant & I have been having a blast with it. This is not your grandma's Tupperware but it does have the same quality and all the amazing warranty policies!

If you don't already have a consultant :
Shop Online Here,
Be a part of my private FB group here where I share special deals you can't find anywhere else.

I've already hosted two parties and helped others gain lots of freebies and half price items & I currently have two parties running.

I'm hoping that this side hustle is just what I've been looking for. I'm no stranger to MLMs but this one feels like home. 

If you need anything please let me know. I do all the work for you, whether you're ordering or you're hosting a party.

Until next time, XO
Cel

My background during this time period: 
Going through a nasty divorce.
Diagnosed as an abused spouse. (Mental & Emotional)
Struggled with anxiety since 2008.
Struggled with depression and suicidal thoughts during my separation and divorce.
Discovered I had lived with a functional alcoholic for 2 years.


Life Coaching: 
My Life Coach's role was to help me get every ounce of my confidence back. She was there to help push me forward in my love life, encourage me in my career, make sure I had a good group of family & friends around all while rediscovering who I was and learning to establish my boundaries. Essentially she was my biggest cheerleader when my whole world was shattered & I didn't think I was deserving of much when I was in my dark hole. She was my biggest cheerleader when dating was going wrong and she empowered me to know that I deserved more. She also taught me how to be savage, and take my own power back when I needed to.

Therapist: 
Couples: As a last ditch effort to save our marriage my ex-husband wanted to do therapy. This was something I had begged him to do for years, but he thought he knew everything so we didn't need to go. During these sessions it was the therapist's job to see if the marriage was salvageable, healthy, and if we were both still in it. We had sessions together and sessions separate. It was during this time that she recognized some of his, less than favorable behavior. In our separate sessions I was able to speak openly and freely. In aligning our stories she was able to tell me that the insecurities I was feeling at certain year marks & my desperation to hold on to my marriage aligned with his confession of an affair with #HomeWrecker. My insecurities was my gut talking to me. I learned here that our gut never lies. It was during this time I was able to tell her that as much as I had wanted to fight for my marriage, I couldn't anymore. I was tired, and I was constantly in a battle with #HomeWrecker since the beginning of our relationship & I was ready to let go. After the divorce was finalized, I learned that our therapist... was an intern. This explained a lot and you'll learn more once I get into what happened during the separation.

Just me: My therapist's role was to help me heal, discover what was going on in my marriage, for how long & the extent of the damage. In the beginning we focused on the here and now, then it moved to my thoughts on the future & find my way back to my faith, then we dug into my past. I learned how to recognize red flags, I learned my personality type, I learned the abuse cycle and I learned the narcissist personality, I learned how to ensure I don't let myself fall into an abusive relationship again & I learned what it is when your gut is talking to you and how to listen to it. I learned about what things in a career would make me happy, I learned that I'm actually an extrovert, I learned I don't have social anxiety, I learned the traits/characteristics that are important for someone I'm dating to have in order for it to be a successful relationship. We also monitored my anxiety and depression. This was important because you don't want to medicate/over medicate when you're dealing with situational anxiety/depression.
Being both Catholic and Hispanic, making the choice to end my marriage and choose myself was a battle. I spent so many moments crying to myself over the duration of about 2 years. I never spoke to anyone about what was going on.

Once it was done, and once I had multiple doctors telling me I exhibited signs of an abused spouse, I knew that I would need help. I didn't want to feel the way I felt for the rest of my life and I didn't want to carry the damage forward into any other relationships I might have. It wouldn't be fair to the new guy to be punished for what had happened in my marriage. I also knew the state I was in wasn't good for my family & friends. I felt like they felt I was a ticking time bomb and had to keep a close watch on me. & to be honest, they did & I was very lucky to have them.

The key to both therapy and life coaching is for you to be open and honest. You have to get very real with yourself. No matter what, you have to own your own actions that have put you  into the place that you currently are, and that can be really hard. Remember that you and your life coach and/or therapist are a team. My therapist and life coach knew about each other, this was helpful because during our sessions they would each ask about each other and ask what the other had to say. This helped them both stay in alignment and getting me on the right healthy path.

Until next time, XO.
-Cel