Celia Brews It Over

Making the decision to divorce my ex-husband was about a 2 year process for me. It was a decision I didn't make lightly and I really struggled with it. I'm Hispanic and my family is Catholic. Marriage is sacred.

Thoughts ran through my head like:
"What will my parents think?" 
"What will the rest of the family think?" 
"What will our friends think?"
"We have been together so long, maybe this is just a rough patch."
"Maybe if I could just be better" 
"Maybe I'm just being a woman." 
"Maybe I should just try harder." 
"What if I could just love him more?" 
"No one will love him unconditionally the way I do."
"No one is going to prepare 3 meals daily nearly every day like I do AND hold a full time job! He will starve!" 

Looking back, our marriage was doomed from the beginning. Sure, we had been together a long time but our core values, hopes, dreams & faith didn't line up. Eventually I outgrew him.


We didn't even have the support of his family.

I remember him telling me that his Dad told him "It'll never work out. You are my Son, and she is your Mother." 

Friends told me that when they congratulated him on our engagement he told them "Eh, we have been together a long time. She was expecting it." 

We never had that honeymoon period. Our marriage was rough from the beginning & although I pretended to be excited leading up to the marriage, there was something looming over it the whole time. It didn't feel right. I've since learned, that was my gut and I should have listened to it.

Within our first year of marriage I started reading marriage books and articles on how to be a better wife. No matter what I did, it wasn't right and our marriage wasn't getting better. I dived into personal development as a whole thinking that if I could just be a better person overall then it would transform my marriage.

 During the last year of our marriage I started reading articles about when you know it's time for divorce written by divorce therapists, attorneys, and divorcees. As I read them my heart broke because I could check off everything on their lists. I never spoke to anyone about my marriage, which looking back I wish I would have. I felt very alone.

I had already been feeling like I was a shell of a person. Like I had lost myself in my marriage, but I thought this is just how it is.

It wasn't until one day at a tailgate #CarGuy asked me what was wrong. & of course I told him, nothing. There was honestly was nothing wrong, but he knew me pretty well and we had our times that we hung out just the two of us. He was the first person to speak up and say red flag! "You act differently when you're alone vs when you're with him." I asked couple close girlfriends and mentors and to my surprise they confirmed #CarGuy's statement. It was at this time that I started to learn that I/we had lost friends because people did not want to watch what was happening.

During the last year we had many mini blowouts. & everything began to irritate me about him. I was highly upset because this was the man I had chosen as my husband. The man I loved more than I loved myself. How could this be happening? The last 6 months were agonizing because I no longer wanted to make memories with him. I'd wish for plans to be cancelled and I would do what I could to engulf myself in my hobbies. I also slept on the couch for months...

I had already met with my lawyer about a month before I told him I wanted a divorce. My lawyer was helpful in letting me know what I needed to do to prepare, and what I needed to watch for during the separation. He explained to me what was rightfully mine, but honestly I was just tired and wanted to walk away.

I thought at this point, if I walked away, we wouldn't hate each other.

The day I told him was mid-day during a work week. I had someone who knew nothing about my marriage chime in that I was being too critical and wasn't giving him a chance to be a good husband.

While I was driving home that kept lingering on my mind and I almost continued to try, but, the reality of it was that he had nearly 12 years to be the partner I needed and if he hadn't changed/grown during that time I knew he wasn't going to.

The actual telling is short, just hard to do. I mentioned above it was a 2 year process for me. We sat down when I got home, and I saw hope in his eyes. He wanted to work on our marriage. See a therapist. For me. I had been working my butt off, alone. I couldn't anymore.

My heart sunk as I said "I want a divorce." & then my heart shattered.

Our University of Houston Tailgating group, the Code Red Tailgaters, got together this summer for a much needed meetup! Our sponsors Nine Banded Whiskey came out as well and had our signature drink available for us.



Pinkerton's, an establishment owned by a University of Texas alum, hosted us. I have to say each time I've been here the hospitality has been nothing short of amazing & the food is delish as well!

Two. 


I've been introduced to Jenga & y'all I'm obsessed. I want to play it over and over. I feel like a 3 year old saying again again!

Three. 


I took #Spurs around my hometown area and he loved it. What made my heart so warm was to see him perk up when he saw water. The water has (almost) always been my calm, so to see him enjoy it so much makes me happy.

We started out at my favorite breakfast place ever in life, the Sunflower Bakery, in Galveston. As always the food did not disappoint. This place has about a half hour wait, and that was the case this time as well. 


We strolled the Strand, drove along the Seawall and then headed back up towards my hometown of Kemah. I showed him my family's property and then we headed to lunch. We were both starved!


#Spurs is pizza obsessed, so much so he has Professional Pizza Eater listed under his IG bio. Haha! I was conflicted if I should take him to a tourist spot or a hometown spot. Given how hot it was, I opted for Boondoggles, the hometown spot, since I knew it would allow us to sit indoors. This place has a wide array of foods and they're all delish + they have a good selection of craft beers and a full bar. If you're not into craft beers they also have your regular selections.

After this we went to the Boardwalk & hopped aboard the Boardwalk Beast. It had been a while since I had ridden this and I was hoping we wouldn't lose our lunch! Luckily we just got pretty soaked and all food remained in our tummies.



Four. 


Doing the long distance thing can be a little hard, emotionally. I remember one time when #Spurs left I felt super sad. & I hated the way I felt because I told myself I wouldn't feel that way. I knew he lived in San Antonio and I lived in Houston. So basically I had a suck it up, Buttercup talk with myself & I didn't like that my tough love talk with myself didn't work.

When #Spurs came in town the last time it was the greatest thing ever to see Angel acknowledge him to the point that he was talking to him and following him around my apartment like a dog!

One thing I learned in dating was to ask guys if they liked cats, almost immediately. Thankfully #Spurs likes cats, most importantly my Cat, and spoils him as if he is his own.

When #Spurs left, Angel ended up cuddling up with the blanket #Spurs had lounged on my couch with that day. I guess he missed him too.

Five.


SnapChat! I still use it! Mainly because the filters are fun and I like to make the bitmjoi mini movies with my friends. Above is my new handle. Since they don't allow you to edit your handle I had to create a whole new one. Rumor has it someone has my old phone number and they're in a dark place in their life. So if you've been seeing that, you're following the wrong account. Mine has mainly been about food and my waistline is yelling at me for it! Ha!

Chat with ya soon! XO,
Cel

This was my weekend to drive into San Antonio and imagine my suprise when I walked in to see #Spurs' house decorated for my furbabe's birthday. Heart melting!


This is probably the sweetest and most thoughtful thing anyone has done for the two of us.


Unfortunately, Angel was less than thrilled and let us know the rest of the night.

Two. 


Hi. It's me. Sitting atop Enchanted Rock.

I love being outside and I love going on hikes. #Spurs surprised me by taking me to Enchanted Rock. I learned real quick that hikes in Houston/NASA are merely walks. My thighs were on fire!

What you don't see behind this photo is #Spurs encouraging me each step along the way and not complaining when I stopped 10 million times on the way up. Ha! I also learned if you walk up backwards that helps too!

Is this shirt not amazing?!?!


I can't wait to go on more adventures like this. I also need to get my bootay in the gym to prep for more adventures like this.

Three. 

Do you remember the pretty rug I posted in my new apartment post, here? It was my dream rug! Well. I'm having to get rid of it. I had a suspicion that Angel didn't like it. He jumped onto the ottoman and walked across it to get on or off the couch & he always walked all the way around the living room to go anywhere else in our casita.
I woke up one day and there was healthy poop on the carpet, so I watched him. He wasn't having any issues. In fact he'd poop in his litter box, and then choose to finish up on the carpet.
Then one day shortly after I got out of the shower the rug was wet and I thought it was just from my feet. Then another time it was wet and I knew it wasn't from me. I figure out Angel is peeing on my pretty rug! Ugh.
So this past weekend when #Spurs was over he helped me roll up the rug. Now Angel thinks that it is his scratching post. Sigh.

Four. 


Invest in your friends that invest in you. Sally is the wifey of one of my college buddies. We've been friends on Facebook for a while. It was when I would begin my own dark journey that I saw she was killing it with her first book. I don't know what it was but something told me to reach out to her, to let her know that I was watching, cheering her on and so so proud of the work she was doing. That would spark our friendship, eventually lead her to being my life coach, and then now sometimes we'll chat and I'll end up giving her little nuggets of advice about her biz. Sally is a super woman. She's a wifey, momma, office manager, best-selling author, life coach, public speaker & a stand up comic. I don't know how she does it all and then still manages to put herself together and have all the pretties.

Follow her on Instagram to watch her grow. She'll have you laughing almost daily!

Five. 


Today is National Sushi Day! & I'm really wanting sushi for dinner.

Where is your favorite place to grab sushi?

I signed up to be a Tupperware consultant & I have been having a blast with it. This is not your grandma's Tupperware but it does have the same quality and all the amazing warranty policies!

If you don't already have a consultant :
Shop Online Here,
Be a part of my private FB group here where I share special deals you can't find anywhere else.

I've already hosted two parties and helped others gain lots of freebies and half price items & I currently have two parties running.

I'm hoping that this side hustle is just what I've been looking for. I'm no stranger to MLMs but this one feels like home. 

If you need anything please let me know. I do all the work for you, whether you're ordering or you're hosting a party.

Until next time, XO
Cel

My background during this time period: 
Going through a nasty divorce.
Diagnosed as an abused spouse. (Mental & Emotional)
Struggled with anxiety since 2008.
Struggled with depression and suicidal thoughts during my separation and divorce.
Discovered I had lived with a functional alcoholic for 2 years.


Life Coaching: 
My Life Coach's role was to help me get every ounce of my confidence back. She was there to help push me forward in my love life, encourage me in my career, make sure I had a good group of family & friends around all while rediscovering who I was and learning to establish my boundaries. Essentially she was my biggest cheerleader when my whole world was shattered & I didn't think I was deserving of much when I was in my dark hole. She was my biggest cheerleader when dating was going wrong and she empowered me to know that I deserved more. She also taught me how to be savage, and take my own power back when I needed to.

Therapist: 
Couples: As a last ditch effort to save our marriage my ex-husband wanted to do therapy. This was something I had begged him to do for years, but he thought he knew everything so we didn't need to go. During these sessions it was the therapist's job to see if the marriage was salvageable, healthy, and if we were both still in it. We had sessions together and sessions separate. It was during this time that she recognized some of his, less than favorable behavior. In our separate sessions I was able to speak openly and freely. In aligning our stories she was able to tell me that the insecurities I was feeling at certain year marks & my desperation to hold on to my marriage aligned with his confession of an affair with #HomeWrecker. My insecurities was my gut talking to me. I learned here that our gut never lies. It was during this time I was able to tell her that as much as I had wanted to fight for my marriage, I couldn't anymore. I was tired, and I was constantly in a battle with #HomeWrecker since the beginning of our relationship & I was ready to let go. After the divorce was finalized, I learned that our therapist... was an intern. This explained a lot and you'll learn more once I get into what happened during the separation.

Just me: My therapist's role was to help me heal, discover what was going on in my marriage, for how long & the extent of the damage. In the beginning we focused on the here and now, then it moved to my thoughts on the future & find my way back to my faith, then we dug into my past. I learned how to recognize red flags, I learned my personality type, I learned the abuse cycle and I learned the narcissist personality, I learned how to ensure I don't let myself fall into an abusive relationship again & I learned what it is when your gut is talking to you and how to listen to it. I learned about what things in a career would make me happy, I learned that I'm actually an extrovert, I learned I don't have social anxiety, I learned the traits/characteristics that are important for someone I'm dating to have in order for it to be a successful relationship. We also monitored my anxiety and depression. This was important because you don't want to medicate/over medicate when you're dealing with situational anxiety/depression.
Being both Catholic and Hispanic, making the choice to end my marriage and choose myself was a battle. I spent so many moments crying to myself over the duration of about 2 years. I never spoke to anyone about what was going on.

Once it was done, and once I had multiple doctors telling me I exhibited signs of an abused spouse, I knew that I would need help. I didn't want to feel the way I felt for the rest of my life and I didn't want to carry the damage forward into any other relationships I might have. It wouldn't be fair to the new guy to be punished for what had happened in my marriage. I also knew the state I was in wasn't good for my family & friends. I felt like they felt I was a ticking time bomb and had to keep a close watch on me. & to be honest, they did & I was very lucky to have them.

The key to both therapy and life coaching is for you to be open and honest. You have to get very real with yourself. No matter what, you have to own your own actions that have put you  into the place that you currently are, and that can be really hard. Remember that you and your life coach and/or therapist are a team. My therapist and life coach knew about each other, this was helpful because during our sessions they would each ask about each other and ask what the other had to say. This helped them both stay in alignment and getting me on the right healthy path.

Until next time, XO.
-Cel