Celia Brews It Over

I am so beyond thrilled for 2019. I'm trying to keep my head down and focus on where I am and ending 2018 with a bang, but I feel like 2019 is going to be on fire!

2017 was choas & full of discovering who I am not. 2018, I had a goal of calm, and although it didn't start that way I was able to get quiet, & calm & centered and really focus on my wants, needs, desires and discovering exactly who I am. 2019 will be the year Celia 4.0 launches. Come back on the 13th to see the word I've chosen for 2019!

I love lists. & I love accountability. Here's my bucket list for 2019.

1. Obtain my Real Estate license.
2. Create a clear and branded online presence.
3. Launch my podcast.
4. Sell 12 homes.
5. Go skydiving.
6. Go on a cruise.
7. Go to my kickboxing classes 3-4 times a week.
8. Purchase my 1st piece of investment real estate.
9. Hand written Birthday Wishes & Thank You cards.
10. Maintain a daily journal.
11. Have a Pedal Party.
12. Go on a Winery/Brewery Tour.
13. Have a (family) ladies night out/in.
14. Take a dance class.
15. Get my cross tattoo
16. Get my dragonboat/Texas tattoo.
17. Unplug one day a week for 12hrs.
18. Read 24 Personal Development books.
19. Practice my SAVERS every day.

If you have a bucket list for 2019 I would love it if you shared it with me!

See ya tomorrow!
Cel

Although Texas, Houston specifically, doesn't get Fall until later in the year it is my favorite. It's currently 91 degrees F with a "feels like" temp of 101...

Still it is my favorite.

•  To me, it's a sign of the holidays coming. Eventually the weather cools down a bit and we start to feel a cool breeze come by for a few days at a time. 
• Although sometimes the gloomy weather puts me in a funk, it's the perfect time to take a day or two to yourself and indulge in a Netflix binge session or cuddle up with a blanket, my favorite candle and a cook book. 
• Pumpkin spice, cheetah print, boots, and cozy sweaters! 

What is your favorite season? & why? 

Happy October! I hope you are all doing well! & if you're not, remember my inbox is always open. I'm not a licensed anything, but I do declare a judgement free zone and an open ear to listen.

I have taken some time to myself and haven't been blogging much. I've had my own thing that I've needed to work through again, so I got silent, and reflective & I'm here. I'm not sure I will write about it, now or ever. But I want you to know that I am okay, safe, and healthy.



One June 27th, 2017 I saw a new therapist who, although sometimes we butt heads, was exactly the therapist I needed in my life.

I made the decision to see her for the following reasons: 
1. I didn't want to feel the guilt of ending my marriage for the rest of my life.
2. I didn't want to wake up every day feeling like I had DIVORCED stamped on my forehead.
3. I didn't want to care/love my ex-husband anymore.
4. I didn't want to punish myself and/or others who came into my life for his mistakes.
5. I wanted to know how/why I ended up in an abusive marriage and didn't see it.


The Guilt of Ending my Marriage: 
I've mentioned it before, coming from a Hispanic & Catholic family made the decision to end my marriage insanely hard. I worried endlessly about what my family would think. & how disappointed in me they would be. During therapy we went over everything in my marriage and even how the relationship was before marriage. It was here that I learned it wasn't healthy from the beginning. We also went over what was done to try to help/mend the marriage.  In these discussions she helped me get rid of the guilt. I had done everything I could to try to repair/salvage/make our marriage better. I know you may think but Celia, marriage isn't an I think it's a we/us thing. This is true, but when your partner won't work to make things better, change behaviors, respect boundaries, respect your opinion/requests, seek knowledge on how to be a better spouse/partner, then all you can do is focus on your part. Once I realized and I mean really realized that I could not control his behavior, only mine. Then the guilt left me, I had done everything within my power.

Waking up with Divorce stamped on your forehead: 
It may seem completely silly, but, in private conversations I've had with others who have been divorced, you literally wake up in the morning feeling like someone stamped DIVORCED right in the middle of your forehead. It was the first thought on my mind every day. I am divorced. I've gotten divorced. I'm one of those people. My marriage failed. I failed. I can't pinpoint the day, but I just remember thinking one day Hey my first thought today wasn't that I was divorced! I remember the next time I went into my therapy session I said this so happily! It was huge for me!







I had my last therapy session on February 27, 2018.

I didn't expect to walk in there and it be my last day with my therapist. It was a sad moment, but my goodness it was a high five, jump up in the air, I DID IT moment too.

Here is what I learned during my time with her:

1. I shine bright like a diamond. I am a catch & I am in my prime! 
Regardless of the fact that I was dating, I would still catch myself talking down on myself. I knew I was worthy, but I didn't know I was worthy. If that makes any sense at all. My ex-husband had put so much garbage in my head in order to break me down & when I asked him my he loved me the only thing he could give me was "you're hot." - that by the end of it my mind was foggy. Through my sit down sessions with her and chats with my support circle I came to realize and really realize that I'm a freakin' prize! Although I don't currently own my own home, I have a roof over my head that I put there. I have a car that I pay for. I have food I put on my own table. I have a career. Although I don't have a piece of paper for it, I have an education and am a smart cookie! I have a huge heart and goals so big that they scare me. I take care of my body. Self-care and self-love is my number one priority. & I am more than just an object.
2. I can't love a man/be loved by a man who is abusive, an alcoholic or an addict. 
Movies and books make such a love story and fairy tale about a woman with a kind heart healing a broken man. Nah, girl. He needs to heal himself. He has to do the work himself. You can't love a broken man into a good man. I learned that I was entering the same cycle over and over with the men I was choosing to date. At the core, they were the same. I have a caregiver personality & can be an enabler to their behaviors. I learned the abuse cycles & how to gauge the behaviors of others + their habits with alcohol/drugs.   
3. My personality - Type A, Caregiver with a Wild Spirit. Nice Girl.
I am 100% a Type A. I like plans. I like every single moment planned out and could plan my life for the next 10 years and I'd be happy. I'd also trigger my anxiety like whoa!
I have a Caregiver personality that tends to attract the broken. Hence the guys I was attracting in the past.
I have a side of me that conflicts with my Type A personality. I like to throw caution to the wind. I like to go off on adventures whether far or near and just go with the flow. I've got a Wild Spirit.In 2017, I actually threw all plans out the window and did go with the flow. It was nice, but in 2018 I've combined the two.
Nice girl. This was the hardest part of myself to look at. Nice girl, isn't a compliment. I was a door mat not just to men, but in my friendships as well. Eye opening book that I'll do a review on soon, The Nice Girl Syndrome - Stop Being Manipulated and Abused and Start Standing Up for Yourself 
4. Anxiety & Depression. Al-Anon. Red flags.
I was firm that I do not want to be on medications for my anxiety, long term. I do not look down on them or those who do go the medication route. But anxiety and depression are not a one size fits all. & trust me there were some weeks I told my therapist that I just wanted to be given a pill again. I learned that my anxiety, although we thought it was triggered initially because of Hurricane Ike... it was actually the environment I was in when I moved in with my ex-Father-in-Law. He was a functional alcoholic. It continued on when I continued the relationship with my ex-husband & not listening to my gut that it was not a healthy relationship. My anxiety would flare up during my relationships with #CarGuy and #DrummerBoy as a way to tell me caution! caution! red flags! I learned to identify red flags. To keep my eyes open. When I did Al-Anon I learned to ask myself the hard questions and was reminded, I can only control me. Other people's behaviors are not my responsibility or a reflection of myself. I learned that most of the time, when I fall into my anxiety hole... it's usually because I am not engaging in the acts that I know keeps my anxiety under control. I also learned to surround myself with others who are healthy / take control of their own lives. 

I could keep going and going. Therapy was well worth the investment, but I did a lot of work outside of therapy. You can go, but if you don't do the work every single day to heal yourself... you won't see the results. 

If you have any questions at all... please don't be shy, my inbox is always open. 

xo, 
Cel 

Hello hello & welcome to Celia Brews it Over!

Allow me to introduce myself.

I'm Celia, a mid-thirties furmom navigating life in Houston, TX with love, peace & positivity. I believe everyone should have a therapist and/or life coach and the world would be a better place for it. I've been called the Queen of Self Love + Personal Development, and wear that badge with honor!


By day I run projects for a German pipe trading company and by night I want to do it all! I am currently taking classes for my Real Estate license (if you're looking to buy in a year or two think of me!) , I am a Tupperware lady (YES the stuff your Grandma and Mom used to have is still around) & I dabble in some health and fitness products with M.Global (the GO stiks are my JAM!)

I'm not much of a TV person, in fact I much prefer to read, listen to an audio book, listen to podcasts, or journal with music in the background. I've been known not to turn on my TV for weeks.

I love to be active. Hiking became a big thing for me in 2017, but I quickly learned that hiking in Houston vs hiking anywhere with any type of incline is very different!

I believe you can choose to be a victim to life events, or you can choose to rise up and be a warrior. Choose to be a damn Warrior, ladies.

I'm in a long distance relationship with this 10. & learning slowly, but surely, what it means to be fully supported & in a healthy relationship.


See ya tomorrow!
-Cel