The book that everyone is reading! Girl, wash your face, by: Rachel Hollis. GOLD!
In my opinion, at least.
There were some chapters that I cried, and then two seconds later she had me laughing. That's when you know you truly connected with the writer.
I did see some girls slam this book in a FB group I was in, which is what pushed me to go ahead and get my hands on it.
Let me preface this, with saying this book is not for you if:
- You believe your way is the right way, and only way.
- You believe your faith is the right way, and only way.
- You believe that you have all the life experiance & have nothing left to learn.
- You believe you are perfect.
- You have a small town mindset and aren't willing to expand.
I love how she laid out her book and each chapter is titled "The Lie: ... " . Lots of times what is holding us all back are the lies we keep telling ourselves. She doesn't preach to us, rather she tells us her experience with each subject and how she grew and then tells us what helped her get there. A lot of Life Coaches do this in their sessions & sometimes therapist will do this to help you put two and two together.
Without giving away too much of her writing, here is how the book resonated with me.
Chapter 5. The Lie: Loving Him is Enough for Me.
When this chapter came up I thought oh shit, here we go. I said this a lot in my therapy sessions when asked why I stayed with the ex-husband. I didn't know she would go even deeper and describe exactly the things I went through with #CarGuy & #DrummerBoy. She talks about the moment she realized that "I was just a booty call." With #DrummerBoy I had realized this when I was with him. Also when my Mom told me I was just a booty call to him. I realized this about #CarGuy while listening to this book and she described scenes so vividly that I thought she was inside my head. I connected with her on this chapter also because she didn't have a lot of dating experience. So as naive as I was, at freaking 31-33 years old. At least I know that it wasn't just me, I wasn't just making stuff up in my head, and I wasn't just being emotional/jealous.
Chapter 7: The Lie: I'm Bad at Sex.
I didn't know. I had married the only guy I had ever had sex with and most of the time he didn't want to even touch me.
This terrified me when I started dating. No, I didn't think I was going to sleep with every guy I dated, but I also knew that I was in my early 30's ... I'm not going to wait until I'm married again to sleep with someone. Plus, shit man, I deserve to have good sex, finally!
There was nothing new in this chapter for me, but reminders are always great. Sometimes we forget that guys feed off our sexual energy, our confidence. & the flaws we see, they don't. They're just excited we are there.
Hearing her story just let me know that this is something we all sometimes struggle with.
Chapter 10: The Lie: I Should Be Further Along by Now.
This was the biggest lie I believed during my separation and divorce. It was what sent me into one of my downward spirals one night that I had to call my parents over. She reminds us that we are all on different paths, there's no timeline/check list we have to go by.
Chapter 12: The Lie: I Need to Make Myself Smaller.
This chapter was so good! This is something I am still learning day by day not to do.
When I completed my therapy sessions my therapist made me promise to never ever dim my light for anyone ever again. A lot of the ex-husband's anger/control stemmed from jealousy. I would always fall back and make myself small when he was around. I always let him be the center of attention, if people spoke to me, he usually would answer for me. I would always walk behind him, I wouldn't share with him the exciting news I had because he would find some way to make it negative. I didn't socialize as much as I would have liked because he always wanted to be there, & I didn't go after my dreams because he thought they were too big/too stupid.
I started to do this with a former friend as well, recently. But when I stopped making myself small, when I started to do my thing, it ended the friendship. As sad as that was, it opened the door almost immediately to others that didn't expect me to stay small.
If you tend to be a people-pleaser, this chapter is definitely for you.
Chapter 15: The Lie: I Will Never Get Past This.
This chapter is fire.
If you have ever been through something and you couldn't see the light at the end of the tunnel. You felt like you were never going to feel like you again. This is for you.
& if you haven't felt that way. Yay! Read it anyway. Because life.
Chapter 18: The Lie: I Need a Drink:
I loved that she touched on this subject. & I love how raw and honest she is about her experiences. Not just within this chapter but throughout. In this chapter she talks about how she didn't really drink before she had kids. In fact she & her husband kind of judged people for how much they drank, and then she had kids and it was one glass of wine, one glass of wine every night, two glasses of wine, then multiple bottles a week... then it turned into another alcohol of choice.
Alcohol is something I struggle with right now. Before #Spurs the other two guys were alcoholics. So anytime I was with them, drinking all day/night was always the thing. Although during the time I was with my ex-husband I wouldn't consider him an alcoholic... if I was ever upset, stressed, angry... he was putting a drink in my hand.
During my separation + divorce I drank a lot. When I was reading about post-divorce stuff this came up a lot. It's actually quite normal and a part of a lot of people's healing cycle. Doesn't mean it is right, but I wasn't alone in this.
I was drinking so much that I actually was kind of scared for myself. I asked my therapist if I might be an alcoholic. I considered going sober. I still do sometimes.
I was actually talking with #Spurs the other day about how I'm trying to make healthier choices. I don't really drink these days. Other than on a date night with him & the last time we were out I was already getting buzzed before finishing one beer. (Guess I'm a cheap date now.) So it is more about changing my mindset. When I'm upset/stressed/angered I'm trying to instead of telling myself "I need a drink" think to myself "I need a good workout". Don't get me wrong, I still love me a good margarita / glass of whiskey.
I feel like this chapter came at just the right time.
The Universe/God always knows what you need.
Chapter 20. The Lie: I Need a Hero.
Just read it.
After all my Personal Development Reading, Therapy and Life Coaching sessions I always want to shake people because YOU are the key to everything!
The book closes out with the paragraph above. Gah! I haven't seen a more perfect ending to a book. I felt this deep in my soul. I remember days I couldn't get out of bed. I'd call into work and literally work from my bed. I remember days/nights falling to my knees with tears streaming down my face not knowing how I was going to make it to another day. If you heard all the thoughts rolling through my mind that I would say to myself so that I'd get up and wash my face you'd think I was a mad woman.
This quote. I want it printed & in my place. & if you're struggling. I want you to print it, write it down, read it over and over. It is so powerful!
I would definitely put this in my list of top personal development books. Her next book Girl, Stop Apologizing is coming out early 2019 & I can't wait.
Until Next Time,
XO - Cel
